Never be the same (Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier)

Chapter 44

"Goodbyes hurt when the story is not finished and the book has been closed." -jnd

How does one know when it's time to walk away. How does one accept that they can't fight anymore. They can't keep pretending to be strong anymore. How do you let go of the only thing in your life that you're actually sure of. Of the only thing that got you through the days when all you wanted was to disappear forever. How do you tell yourself you are not supposed to feel the things you feel.

I did everything I had to. I locked myself in my room for the whole day so no one could come in and ask questions. I don't want them to try to change my mind. I have made my decision and I can't back down now.

He was still ignoring me most of the time, which actually made the decision easier. He wasn't making any effort and in a way I was thankful for that. I was done thinking that I might be making a mistake. The only thing I struggled with now was accepting the fact that I was running out of time.

I took the glass and filled it up with tap water. Hoping that I can swallow the lump that was forming in my throat with the water. I tried and tried until a sob finally escaped my mouth. That was it, I couldn't hold myself up anymore. My legs gave out and I found myself sitting on the floor with my back against the dishwasher. The whole kitchen was dark and empty except for the heart wrenching sobs that left my mouth.

I guess that's how you know. That's how you know it's not healthy anymore. That's how you know you've made the right choice.

I could hear footsteps approaching me, but my eyes weren't able to focus on the person who was making their way towards me.

"Adriana?" he cupped my cheeks with his hands, "What happened? Are you hurt?"

The tears just kept rolling down my cheeks, "I'm sorry, I have to."

He shushed me as soon as the words left my mouth, his arms wrapping protectively around my body, pulling me into his lap to hold me as close as physically possible. One of his hands kept running through my hair. His soothing actually made it worse.

"It's alright. You're safe. I'm here." he kept whispering words of reassurance.

He allowed my tears to soak his shirt. He showed no sign of leaving, the only thing he did was pull me closer every once in a while. We stayed like this for hours, neither of us letting go, since deep down I knew, once I did, it's over.

And then I let go.

"Are you ready, Adriana?" Cindy's voice woke me up.

I don't remember getting in my bed. I don't even remember falling asleep. Did I fall asleep in his arms? Did he carry me to my room? Huh, I guess he seems to only show his nice side to me during nights when I'm falling apart lately.

"Adriana?" Cindy called out from the other side of the door once more.