Letters Of Life

Dear Best Friend

Dear best friend.

I miss you.
Life is really hard without you.
All I want is for you to come back home.
I know that you are far away now and that you are happy with your life now.
I know I can't expect you to drop everything and come home.
I know that you are busy with your new friends now.
But I just want to say thank you.
Thank you for being there for me when no one else was.
Thank you for inspiring me to face my fears.
Even though doing this without you is one of the hardest things I ever had to do but, I'm doing it.
I wish you could see how I'm doing.
I wonder if you would be proud of me.
I'm not mad you left.
Just in pain.
But what's the sun without a little rain right.
I hope that you are good.
Genuinely good.
Since you have been gone it has not been easy.
Even though I miss you everyday I won't let that hold me back.
I will stay strong and stand tall because I know you wouldn't want to see me fall.
You were my biggest inspiration and I want you to be proud of me.
I hope you remember how you used to keep me safe from the world.
I hope you remember how we met that day.
In that little building on the edge of town.
We were on a school trip.
You were in my class but I always kept to myself.
I was lonely and it felt like I was dying in pain.
You made an effort to get to know me and you always came over to talk to me.
I wasn't a social person.
I didn't talk to people or always go near them.
But you changed me.
You made me see the light in the world again when I thought that I would never be myself again.
I was extremely depressed and I couldn't get back up off my feet.
I didn't care about my appearance and I didn't even try.
I was in a frail state.
But you brought me back to reality.
You were always there for me and made me smile no matter what.
You always made me laugh to where we got in trouble in class when we couldn't stop.
You were special to me and you were always around.
I had never been a touchy person but when we would walk you would always hold my arm.
We could talk for hours and see each other and miss one another the moment we left.
In grade 10 you told me that you were moving to BC in the summer.
That day I was stressed about school almost kicking me out and my other friend was mad at me because she didn't understand you were there.
I got back to the class but I was about to cry.
I ran out and you followed me.
I didn't know what had gotten into me but I was scared and overwhelmed.
I was used to doing things on my own.
But you grabbed me and pulled me into your arms and hugged me while I cried.
You didn't care.
You gave me as long as I needed.
No one has ever been there for me like that.
I always felt safe in your arms.
Even when we helped her with papers at night in the winter when it was cold you would wrap me in your arms to keep me warm.
And when I didn't have a jacket and we went out for lunch, you let me wear your blue and black jacket.
It always smelled like your cologne.
I had never been that close to anyone in my entire life.
I have never trusted anyone that much before in my life.
And the day we met I was so quiet thinking in my head "why is this guy actually engaging with me."
I'm sorry if I came off rude that day for not talking much but really I was just shy.

I miss the way you could make me smile just by looking into my eyes.
I miss your hugs and safety.
I miss feeling like my world was complete with you there.
I regret not coming to see you before you left that day.
I'm sorry I couldn't be there.
I'm sorry that I don't always answer the phone since you have a different time zone than me.
I'm sorry that you were the most important thing in my life.
I'm sorry that you always had to look after me.
I'm sorry if sometimes I was a little grouchy when it was that time of the month.
I'm sorry that I fell in love with my best friend.
I didn't have a crush on you or want to date you.
But I will tell you that I loved you more than I had ever loved anyone.
I wish I had made our memories last longer before you left.
I wish we had gone swimming in the creek more often.
I wish that we had gone on more adventures together like we used to.
I wish that you didn't have to leave so soon.
But I know that's what you wanted.
You had dreamed your whole life till the summer of grade 10 so that you could finally live with your real family.
I know your happy now and that you don't need me anymore.
I just hope you find someone who treats you the way that you treated me.
You were strong.
Kind.
Intelligent.
Amazing person who saw a light in me.
I care for you dearly.
You always stood up for me if people were picking on me in our science class.
You made me feel like I belonged somewhere.
Just know that my home will always be where ever you are.
You always will be like a big brother to me.
You were more than that.
Like a part of my soul.
You were my soulmate.
You understood me like no one else could.
You spread your angle wings over me and protected me.
You accepted me for who I was and believed me before anyone else did.
When no one else did.
We had a relationship that no one could understand.
Often people thought we were dating.
That we were "good" together.
I just hope you will succeed where you are.
Don't get yourself into any trouble.
So I will say this one more time.
Thank you.
Thank you for saving me from the cruelties of the world.
And I hope one day you come home.

-Soulmate-