A Summer In Arizona || A Lady Gaga Fanfiction

Chapter 31 - She Just Wants To Sleep

'Gaga!' she said, worried.

I moaned and put my hand om my heated forehead. 'I'm not Gaga today.'

'You don't feel very good, right?' Tara asked, while she put her hand on my bare back. 

I shook my head and was thinking about telling her, but I didn't really want to be reminded of my pregnancy while I was standing half-naked in a dirty street in New York. I started to hyperventilate and started to pull at the zipper of the leather shorts I was wearing, but it was stuck.

'What's wrong?' Tara asked.

'I can't breathe in this fucking thing,' I said shakily. Tara immediately came forward and undid the zipper. I felt my body relax and took a relieved breath.

'Can you please tell me what's going on?' she asked.

I bit my lip. 'I just feel bad. That's all. I'm a bit out of shape and the past few days were just too much. I'm tired and I just really need a cigarette right now. Do you have one?'

She searched her pockets and took out a pack of Marlboro's. Gratefully I took it from her and lighted it without even thinking. I took a puff of it, but then realized what I was doing and threw it away. I coughed the smoke out of my lungs.

Tara looked at me with a very confused face. 'Why did you do that?'

'I quit smoking,' I said. 'Shit.'

'Since when?'

'A few weeks ago,' I said.

'Wow. This trip really changed you.'

I nodded. Only if she'd know. 

'Here, take some of my coffee. That'll will cheer you up.'

She handed me over the Starbucks cup and I took a few sips of her iced coffee. 

'Better?' Tara asked.

I nodded. 'That was much needed.'

'Do you think you can go back inside? It'll be over soon.'

I nodded and we returned to the set.

When I finally came home at midnight, my body was broken. After the photo shoot I had two more meetings. The last one was at the Plaza in one of the conference rooms. We needed to go over some publicity things, but when Christian was talking, I fell asleep with my face falling down on my binder. Tara decided to call it a night and brought me back to my apartment. I was about to crash on my bed, but Tara made me sit up straight. 

'Come on, you can't fall asleep in these clothes.' She walked to my closet and came back with a loose fitted band tee and a pair of sweatpants. She helped me out of the dress that I was wearing. 

It made me feel really embarrassed. 'I'm sorry. I'm one big mess.'

'Don't apologize,' Tara said as she pulled down the T-shirt. 'You just don't take care of yourself.'

'That's not true.'

'When did you eat for the last time?'

I was thinking, but couldn't recall it. 'Uhm.'

Tara took her Phone out of her pocket and looked at me. 'What do you want? Pizza? Chinese? Thai food?'

I wanted to refuse, but my stomach was grumbling. 'Pizza. With pepperoni.'

Half an hour later we sat on the bed with a large pizza box resting on our legs. I chuckled when I saw Tara take a not so very charming bite of her slice.

'Thanks,' I said. 'It means a lot to me to have you by my side.'

Tara smiled and grabbed my hand. 'It's my job.'

'No, it isn't,' I said. 'Your job is to make me pretty.'

'Well, that's exactly what I'm doing. You won't look your best when you're not feeling well.'

I chuckled. 'You're kind of right.'

'There's something I need to ask you,' she asked out of the blue. 'I know you're really tired and these days have been crazy, but what's happened to you? You're so different.'

I put my slice of pizza down and bit my lip. I knew I couldn't lie to her anymore. 'You're right. Something's changed. I feel so terrible, because I'm pregnant.'

Tara fell quiet. 'Pregnant? Really?'

I nodded. 'I felt really sick the past days and when I flew back to New York I just couldn't stop throwing up. Right after I landed I bought one of those pregnancy tests and it was very positive.'

'Oh God,' she said. 'I really need to process this.'

'Me too.'

'So you actually just found out?'

I nodded. 'Yeah, and I have no idea what I'm going to do now.' My voice got higher and I was about to cry again. Tara noticed it and hugged me. 

'You're going to be fine,' she said. 'Don't be sad. How far along are you?'

'About seven or eight weeks,' I said. 'I don't really now.'

'So you got pregnant over there?' Here eyes grew large.

'Yeah, it's for sure not John's.'

'So mister cowboy is the daddy?'

I nodded. 'I'm one hundred percent sure of that.'

'Damn, Stef. How do you feel about it?'

'I really don't know, but I'm going to keep it. I've been thinking about it a lot these past few days and it would be so unfair if I got rid of it. The girls that have an abortion don't really have any other choice. They're young or don't have money. I have everything, so this child deserves to life.'

Tara teared up. 'You're so brave and you have us. I'll always be here for you. So are Christian and your parents and the rest of the crew. We love you and we will love your child too.'

I smiled. 'Thanks.'

'But how about daddy? Are you going to raise it on your own? He doesn't want it?'

'I haven't told him yet.'

'Why not? He's the father!'

'I know, but I feel like it's better to wait. It's still very early.'

'I get it, but Stef, your pregnant! Oh my God.'

I smiled. 'It's kind of crazy, isn't it? In 7 months I'm going to be a mother.'

'I'm really happy for you,' Tara said. 'Don't you remember last year, after the Super Bowl, when you were all in tears because you thought you would never be able to have a baby because of your hip pain and stuff? Look at you now. You did it!'

I wiped a tear away. 'I did always want to become pregnant.'

'This is going to be really good for you, Stef,' she said. 'I do have to ask, though, how the fuck did you manage to get pregnant? You're always so paranoid about sex. I thought you were on the pill.'

I was fiddling with my T-shirt and smiled. 'He was just irresistible and I kind of forgot.'

'You never forget,' she said. Tara knew me way too well.

I rolled my eyes. 'I just wanted to be close to him.'

'So close that he's inside of you know in the form of a baby?'

I sighed. 'At least it will be a beautiful baby.'

'Can't wait,' Tara said, filled with excitement. 'But there are a lot of things to arrange.'

'Tell me. I only have seven months.'

She wrapped her arm around me. 'That's more than enough time.'