The Little Door

Leftovers: Part three

It's painful. That's all I can really say. Derek looking at me. Derek touching me. Lifting me. Hugging me. It's painful. I'm not in any physical pain, no everything is numb so no physical pain, yet. But painful is still the word I use. He looks broken. Defeated. Uncharacteristically sadden by the looks of it.

 He hasn't been acting normal since that night. None of the pack has. I suppose it might have to do with all the scars and broken bones. Doctor Deaton fixed me up the best he could.

He stitched up my chest and my cheek. And my arm.....well....That was complicated. It was broken, it wasn't cut it was just.....twisted??? You can't really "fix" a twisted arm, but deaton tried his best and put it in a cast with about a dozen staples and a couple stitches. 

(Incase you never had a broken arm I don't mean office staples I mean medical staples used to fix broken arms.)

  Physically I was healing but mentally....I've been having nightmares....and flashbacks. Deaton says it's called posttraumatic stress disorder or PTSD for short. It's dark in my mind lately. I can't stop thinking thinking thinking. I'm stuck. Deucalion's eyes. I'm in bed and I remember his eyes glooming over me. His sadistic smile. 

His out of breath complexion as he Aiden beat me. His excitement at my pain. Even with me screaming no behind the muzzle he never stopped. He just kept going. The worst part was him calling me little bunny. My mom used to call me that. Her little bunny Stiles. She'd read me The tale of Peter rabbit

" Once upon a time there were four little Rabbits, and their names were – Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton-tail, and Peter. They lived with their Mother in a sand-bank, underneath the root of a very big fir-tree. 'NOW my dears,' said old Mrs. Rabbit one morning, 'you may go into the fields or down the lane, but don't go into Mr. McGregor's garden: your Father had an accident there; he was put in a pie by Mrs. McGregor.'"

 A lot of the time I feel pretty small. But my mom would pat my head kiss me on the forehead and say "Even the smallest one can change the world."  And then I finally felt better. After all I started out as a tiny little speck on a monitor in my mothers stomach. Look at me now.

But..... but now. I don't have my mom to pat me on the head. I don't have my mom to kiss me on the forehead. I don't have my mom to love me anymore. I don't have a mom. She left me. Abandoned me. Alone in this world. I have my family and support and all the good things but still.....I'm missing something. A hole in my heart.

I look outside and see that it's starting to drizzle. No pack training today. Great. That means They will all be stuck in the house looking at me like I died.

Hey guys sorry for such a depressing chapter. I just got out of the hospital! YAY! But I'm gonna have to go back in soon :( and I won't be able to update. This chapter might of felt more real to you because I was abandoned by my mother and she used to read me The tales of peter Rabbit. All rights go to Beatrix Potter, I did not write it at all. It was a childhood favorite and I loved it.