Maine Pyaar Kyun Kiya?

Unconventional Apologies

'Lies and Secrets, Tessa, they are like a cancer in the soul. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind.' 

~ Cassandra Clare in Clockwork Prince

Alia P.O.V.

I sat in the corner of the walk-in closet, trying not to cry. It was stupid for me to be upset, stupid of me to even have said anything but I couldn't stop the words from spilling out of my mouth. And instead of consoling me or actually trying to reason with me like he usually would, my best friend had decided to tell me that I wasn't good enough. A sob managed to escape at that thought and then another and then another until I was curled up in a ball crying my heart out. I hated my heart for being so damn weak and my tear ducts for the way they seemed to open so easily but I'd long since learned that it was done faster if I didn't fight it. 

Except, this time, the tears didn't seem to be in the mood to stop. They kept coming and coming and before long I realised I wasn't just crying because of the day's events, I was crying all the tears I'd never wanted to: the ones caused by Varun and the ones for him and the ones for myself and my cowardly heart. As much as I wanted to stop those tears, I knew they needed to be let out so I let them out, going from sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest to laying on the floor in the foetal position, which is how I was when Varun walked in. He looked a little blurry through the tears in my eyes but I could still clearly see the sincerely apologetic look on his face, right down to the fear in his eyes - though that might be because I could feel it radiating off of him as well - and the two peace offerings in his hands. 'I bought chocolate.' he offered as an apology, forwarding the hand holding the bar. I gave a watery laugh and sat up, reaching out a hand to take it from him and trying to wipe my tears with the other. He took a tentative step forwards and made to place the chocolate in my hand but I wrapped my hand around his wrist and tugged him to sit next to me instead. He did so without complaining, handing over the sweet as he settled against the wall. I accepted it happily, opening the wrapper and breaking off two pieces, handing one to him and popping the other in my mouth. 'I bought a teddy bear too just in case the chocolate didn't work.' he told me, holding a small light brown bear. I couldn't help but smile as I took it from him, hugging it. 

'I'm sorry.' I mumbled, trying to hide my face in the bear. 

'I think I'm the one who should be saying sorry.' he said, looking at me with the most adorable expression on his face. 

'Chocolate and a teddy bear, apology enough.' I countered, nudging his shoulder a little. 

'I wish every girl was as easy to apologise to.' he joked. 

'Too bad. I'm one of a kind Dhawan.' 

'That you are Bhatt, that you are.' he agreed easily before we both lapsed into silence.  

'Hey Varun?' I asked after a while, breaking the silence. 

'Yeah.' 

'All that I said earlier... it's not that I'm not happy for you, I am. But you're pretty much my favourite person and I guess I'm just worried that things might change between us. Or that she won't be able to handle it all, know how to deal with everything that's part of you, and maybe you'll change. And I don't want you to change VD. Cause you're absolutely perfect just the way you are. Even if you are an annoying thorn in my side sometimes.' He didn't say anything, just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pressed a kiss to the side of my head. 

And that was that. 

***

Neither of us mentioned the fight and, after a couple of days, I began to forget it even happened. Of course, those thoughts hadn't completely disappeared but it was pretty easy to dismiss them with Varun being his usual self. There were times on our days off when he was out with Natasha that I felt the doubts to creeping in but they never managed to stick around for long. Either I'd busy myself doing something or talking to someone or, after the first time when Varun came home and found me cleaning an already spotless kitchen to try and distract myself, I'd text him, just some simple message but, for whatever reason, the fact that he always replied managed to make my worries disappear.