It's so broken and interrupted but still makes sense.
-This guy named Wren
My Mind of Getting Here.
(I wrote this right before I started with my long needed therapy...)
I want to die. I want to curl up into a ball and hibernate till this is all over. "You have to stay here" she says. "I've spent forever organizing this." I want to go back to that city. That city where being myself is the easiest on this planet. There is work there. Shall I stay here? Do nothing and then go back once my time is over where I can live? I'm tired and lonely and I need people who can see me and make me smile without me faking it. I need a thought process that complies, that applies, that not lie. I can't think or be. Stop this. When I get back to the city I can live my life more. Evolve.
Dysphoria in a Nutshell.
I feel like I'm in this maze. This matrix. Venturing endlessly in what only destroys me even more. I am tearing. Every part of my skin and my inners are fracturing. The hair that grows from my face is covering me with someone else's mask. I never asked nor wanted this mask. It droops down as I fall down feeling lonely and crumbled. I reach out towards all that is left that I can see. But the system resets. I wake up to another maze or matrix. But this time it's all the same. Reality moves on as the knowledge of that torturing future returns.
-Me on a moody day while I'm experiencing major gender dysphoria.
The Expression of People with No Feeling.
You guys have it easy. You feel. You have the ability to actually have something in the world. You can go out there and something.. and understand. And I, feel nothing. That means I don't do that thing in you can call feelings. You're just splating and platning over there while I just sit.. and stare... I'd like to know and want to see what you got there. Because from my point of view.. there is no view. And that is the hardest and easiest thing for me to believe. If anyone can believe it...
Deep in my Mind
The deepened whispers of my mind. Society says that a single creature does not matter. In that a single experience is without purpose. When your mind in so deep in itself. When your brain and your body, and your feelings are so thickened in itself in feel. When your story is only explainable not by talk, but by experience. When your feelings go in so much. When you're in deep. (Your mind)
