The Length of Love

one (mere) meter

"It's a large place this world, and us? We're small, insignificant, unnoticed in this ocean of people. We are often lost among this crowd, drowning among the stories and words of other people, hidden by the mountain of rules and fears of society. We fear failure, we fear loneliness, we fear judgement. We pretend to be happy, maybe even we ourselves actually believe it. But all we do is live in fear, not quite literally, but we're always looking over our shoulder, glancing to see if anyone's looking...judging. We're too scared to say simple words, expresses simple feelings, barred by the stigma that surrounds it. The shame and embarrassment of mere words, mere three words fabricated by our, yes our judgemental eyes. 

But the thing with this world is that it's merciless, it's ever moving. It's not going to stop for him or her, it's not going to stop for me and definitely not for you. If you find yourself with an opportunity, it's worth the gamble, because the same chance only comes along once. Time doesn't give a fuck if you've said your goodbyes or expressed your I miss yous. Time couldn't care less that you're sitting in your room crying into the pillow that you once both slept on just because it was too late. 

Now here I am, holding this tiny sphere, that connects you and I within a matter of centimetres. I hold the physical representation of us, wishing for a moment that time heeded my prayers and stopped just for a moment. Just enough for me to whisper the words unsaid, from me to you...." 

- In that moment, that very moment I could feel the sheer size of this world compared to my insignificance.

One new school, one transfer student, two thousand strangers. I forced my legs to move, one step after another, a relentless pattern, before stopping at the door I had been directed towards. I pushed the door open and walked numbly into the room.

It was that moment. That exact moment where I felt the walls of this world close in, closing in around me. I could feel the invisible pressure on my throat, choking my breathing, sending my heartbeat into a sprint. Like a drum beat, my heartbeat resonates through my body, causing my hands to shake ever so slightly. The world was fading, the walls had closed in so tightly I could not see around them. The voices around me turned into a static buzz, as my vision began to blur and spin. Never had I felt so damned alone, it was that split second when I recognised how small I really was, how small all of us really are.

With my vision unclear, and my ears buzzing, I turned blindly towards the nearest wall and pretended to study it. I could feel the thud of footsteps behind me, drawing nearer to where I was standing. "Goddammit, act as if you know what you're doing" my inner self scolded. Raising a hand, I ran it along the bookshelf that stood neatly against the stark white wall. The spines of the books felt dusty and ignored. Hah, that's ironic because that's just like me.

I felt the footsteps getting nearer to me. The thud of the steps and the booming of each heartbeat echoed through my ears. Christ, us together could act as the drumbeats in a marching band. I suck in a breath of air and continued to focus my eyes onto the bookcase, as the world rushed on around me. The buzzing was getting louder.

"Hey, are you ok?"
A male voice behind me had said. But at that moment, as if I was underwater, all I could hear were muffled sounds. He might as well have been yelling insults for all I could hear. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and the same voice repeated his question that was inaudible to me. Or maybe I could hear it, just that my heart pounded too hard, too loud, drowning it all from around me. 

I spun around, my thoughts still clouded and unclear. For a third time, the figure in front of me repeated his question. "are you alright?" 

"Actually you seem kinda pale"

My heart stuttered at the sound of his voice, and as a result, I lost my own. He saw my lack of response and placed his hand on my shoulder and wrapped the other firmly on my waist. He murmured soft reassurances as he guided me to the school infirmary. 

We walked through the hallways, his arms around me, pulling me close to him, supporting my body with his. I licked my dry lips and wished I had taken up a ride from my neighbours. But I hadn't wanted to get into a car with almost strangers, so I had politely declined and proceeded to walk. The weather was nice, yeah it really was. The sun was shining, the air cool, the wind blowing ever so slightly in my hair...

One. Two. Three. I counted my sluggish footsteps, matching them in time with his. For a moment, I forgot about my fucked up senses, I forgot about my panic. For a moment, all I could think, all I could feel was the warmth of his body against mine, and the sense of safety I felt, while being in his arms. Goddammit, he was nice...(he still is). 

We stopped in front of a door, and he guided me in. His hands never once leaving me. He placed me gently on a seat and smoothed my hair down before backing away towards the entrance.  I blinked once, then twice, and the grey cloud around my eyes slowly dispersed. I sat on the blue plastic chairs as the nurse checked me out and rapped through my symptoms and problems. Stress? Check. Dehydration somehow? Check. Anxiety? Big check. Panic? Huge check.

Out of the corner of my eye, I finally saw him for the first time. The one person that gave a shit enough to even glance in my direction let alone help me out. He had sleek black hair that even at the time looked soft. A smile ghosted on his lips, and his eyes emitted warmth I had not felt for a long time. By this time, my heart had slowed to its usual steady beat, but with a glance, it began to pick up again. 

He stood a meter away from where I was standing, as the school bell echoed above us. With this, he raised his hand in farewell, his eyes smiling.

Towards his retreating back, moving further and further away. I mouthed

                                                                    thank you.

heyyy guys!! hope you liked this new short (very very short) story of mine!! i'll try to be more active (providing i dont procrastinate :P) please leave a comment of how you liked this story so far and give me some feedback (im still learning) as well as share with your friends (plsss :D) thanks xx