White Dragon Stories

Flaws

His pushed up self-esteem however would not last for long. When he encountered Gyokuen and was easily defeated by her, he lost his confident in himself and his power. His sister had rejected him before, so he could not expect help from her, could not expect her to lend him her power to defeat the witch. He was on his own again. If he had an army to back him up, like Kouen had, he wouldn't have to worry or feel so horrible, but he had not and this fact couldn't be changed. Also he could not ask for help from his other relatives, who were fine with the current situation. Why should they complain? Their lived got better and if they would help him, this might change – they would probably fear that this would happen.
Falling into depravity gave him some of his confident back. Maybe it was because, he now had the help of a Magi, of someone who hated the witch just like he did. Maybe it was because he obtained another djinn. Whatever the reason behind it was, it felt good.
It got even better when he finally killed Gyokuen or better said Arba. Hakuryuu always had been considered the weakest, even his supposed friends saw him as weak, and now it was him, who had killed the leader of Al-Thamen – something no one had even dared to try before. Everyone had been afraid of the organization, but he and Judar had faced them and won. What a beautiful feeling! There was nothing and no one, who could stop him now. His little success got to his head. Well, it was understandable after all those years in which he had felt like he was not even worth being alive, accomplishing something no one else had or had even tried was the best thing ever!
Hakuryuu knew that he often felt too strongly about other people. So when he liked and respected someone, he would hold that person in high regards and would not let anyone dirty their name, but when this person disappointed him, his dislike and disgust was even stronger. Somehow it was hard for him to balance his feelings out, yet it hadn't been much of a problem until now. What, however, was a problem, was his tendency to act upon his feelings. When Gyokuen had defeated him, his self-hate, his hate for this unjust world and the disappointment in his remaining family, namely Hakuei, had grown so much that the word "hate" or "disappointment" was not enough not describe what he truly had felt. If he had stayed calm and tried to ignore his feelings, he might have found another way to handle the situation back then. Eventually all the events that followed afterwards had never happened and they all could have find a better solution, a way in which no one had to die. His feelings also had caused problems when he was trying to conquer Zagan's dungeon. If Morgiana hadn't insisted on helping him, ignoring his wish to be left alone, he might have died due to his extensive Magoi use or had been rushed by the dungeon's monsters. All because he didn't want to take help from others, because he felt he alone was responsible for taking back his country and avenging his brothers, because accepting help was like admitting that he was weak. How stupid! He always had been a serious person, he took his duties and responsibilities very serious and didn't want to bother others with them. This caused him to appear a bit arrogant and distant. In his childish naivety he had thought the only way to achieve his goal, was to be serious all the time and handle everything on his own. Of course, he a lot to shoulder by himself and he was a more serious person, but he had been too stubborn. Childishly stubborn. There was no reason to refuse help from others and he hadn't had to proof himself to anyone. He had been too stiff and narrow minded. Now that he was older, he was more relaxed, was calmer. Maybe this was due to feeling lighter after defeating Gyokuen and getting back the Kou Empire. He felt more at peace, although he now had to deal with other problems. One burden was replaced by another. However, the burden felt different and he was not alone anymore. His sister Kougyoku was at his side and helped him with dealing with the Empire. She couldn't help him with his feeling of guilt, but she could help him to stay focused and to find solutions for the new problems they had to face after the civil war. And she stopped him from hating himself and losing faith.

Hakuryuu knew he was not perfect. He knew he was very flawed and had a lot of insecurities. But he also knew that he was still young and could improve himself. No one was born omniscient or was the perfect ruler from the get go – everyone had to learn how to rule a country and how to deal with other people. Until now he never had the chance to do so, therefore it was only logical that he made mistakes and even felt a bit overwhelmed – it was a bit too much for him alone.
When he had his first fighting lesson he had known nothing about weapons – how to hold them, how to use them, how to take care of them – and now he was a strong warrior and he had two djinns at his side. Nowadays no one would could him weak and he also didn't view himself like that anymore. Yes, he wasn't as strong as Kouen and not as smart as Koumei, but he knew how to survive and how to defend himself. Also he was good at coming up with plans during a fight or adjusting plans depending on the situation. He had gained some experiences, honed his fighting skills and most importantly he was not on his own any longer. Judar was on his side and would not leave. Together with him and Kougyoku Hakuryuu was sure he would be able to become a better person. The first steps had already been made and with his more or less good self-judgement – Hakuryuu was still too critical with his bad traits and often forgot about his good sides, which made it seem like he had a bad opinion about himself, which had been true in the past, and did not knew himself well – he would surely reach his new personal goal.