no savior.

no(t) yours

His voice turns more serious, "I went to make a deal and it went bad. The guy thought I was a cop or something? I don't know. Ssh, please stop crying, KJ. I'm fine. It was a clean shot. The bullet went clean through. Missed everything important."

Thank God. I calm down, "I thought I'd lost you. And then this bitch at the desk. Oh my God she was annoying."

"There she is," right on cue, the nurse from earlier appears, with a man I don't recognize at first, but then I do.

"Brother."

"Druett."

That voice. I flash back to the day I was hiding. The third voice.

"Druett?" I look between the two. They don't share much resemblance, with Vin's dark and edgy appearance and Druett's blond, preppy one but the resemblance is in their eyes. The hazel swirl of all three colors, shade shifting in the light. "You two are brothers?"

"Sir, do you know this woman?" the nurse asks.

"Yes I know her," the man waves the nurse away, "She's family."

Suddenly things start to fall into place. The house. Vin's departure. Brothers...

I look between them, time and time again. "Fuck. You guys played me."

I get up and walk out.

"Wait!" Dru comes after me, my added height causing him to have to practically jog after me.

"Kaylie Jane wait!" I don't realize how fast I'm going until Dru grabs onto me, pulling me out of my momentum.

I pull away from him, "You don't get to call me that. I don't even know you."

"Sorry," he holds his hands up in surrender, "It's what Layne always calls you."

Even the mention of her name takes some of the wrath out of me, "What do you have to say?"

"He wanted to tell you," he starts, "But we knew you'd get mad."

"'We'?" I raise an eyebrow, "I'm sorry but at what point do you think manipulating me into moving back to St. Louis, living in my dead neighbor's house, and getting me to fall in love with her isn't going to upset me?"

"It sounds bad when you say it like that---"

"Bye, Druett. I'd say it was nice to meet you, but it wasn't," I hit call on the elevator.

"That day you were in the closet!" He blurts out, grabbing my attention again, "You weren't doing a good job of hiding. And I could've sold you out right there but I didn't."

"That would've definitely ruined your little social experiment," I reply.

"No it wasn't like that," he tries to explain again, "Please, just grab a cup of coffee with me. Please."

I look over the man in front of me. The closer I looked, the more Vin I saw in him. The ambitious eyes. The mischievous smile. I clench my jaw.

"You have thirty minutes."

He sighs a breath of relief, "Thank you."

We exit the hospital, walking down the street to a small coffee shop. I order and we take a seat outside, the thin air filling my lungs in a familiar way.

"So talk," I say waiting for his explanation.

"It didn't start out about you," he starts, "After Layne's accident, Dil got really protective and controlling. He went through her stuff. He stripped her life of every piece of you. He took the journals. The clothes. Pictures. He made it like you never existed. And it killed Layne. She knew something was missing, but nobody would tell her what. So around the time I knew you two would be graduating, I slipped her one of her old journals. The one about you."

"And Vin?" I ask. It feels like our entire dynamic has just been up ended.

"When y'all were dating we'd talk about you. It was clear to him he was a consultation prize," he says, "I know that it was kind of pervasive but I figured you two needed each other. You and Layne were miserable without eachother. So I convinced Vin to bring you back, returned the journal, and the rest is history."

"But my job? How did you know I'd find work in the city? How'd you know that Layne would find a way to me?"

"I lived in the home when I was a kid," he answers, "Ms. Lea and I have stayed in contact."

I sit and process this all. Months of my life had been orchestrated by a man I didn't know before Vin even came to get me from California.

"I'm sorry," he finishes, "I shouldn't have interfered like I did."

I don't respond. Numb.

After a minute he stands and exits the cafe, leaving me alone to process.

***

When I finally return to the hospital, Dru is gone and it's just Vin, staring at the TV.

"I didn't think you'd come back," he speaks, but his gaze stays fixated on the screen.

"Of course I came back," I take a seat, pulling it up to his bed, "I---"

"I know," he still doesn't look at me, "I know you love me. But I know you love her so much more."

"Vin---"

"Let. Me. Finish," he cuts me off, his voice cold and resigned, "I'm not yours, KJ. I can't be."

A rogue tear slips from my eye, "How did you know?"

"The fact that you're crying right now instead of trying to prove me wrong," he turns his head even farther away, "That's how I know."

"Vin---"

"KJ since we've met you've been forcing yourself to love me like that because I know you didn't want to hurt me or lose our friendship. You sacrificed a lot to keep me happy. But this is me telling you to go be with her. If you love me, please go be happy. I owe it to you."

Silent tears run down my cheeks as I cry, even though I don't know what for.

"Come here," he moves over and motions for me to crawl into bed with me. I obliged as he wraps his free arm around me.

Vinson Matthews has been with me since college. We broke rules together. We partied together. We loved. We fucked. We were inseparable. We'd been through hell and back with one another. He is the last piece from my past. He knows everything about me. Vinson Matthews is probably my best friend in the world.

But he is not who I can give myself to. He's not my forever. He's not mine at all.

We lay in comfortable silence together, the sun fading from view and then rising again.