Reddie/Stenbrough oneshots

apathetic// stenbrough

//i saw the idea for this on tumblr awhile ago and i really wish i could give credit, im so sorry. also a TW because of homophobia, antisemitism, and implied suicidal ideation. i feel like my stories are so emo omg//

Stanley Uris wished he could be apathetic.

He didn't want to feel everything. He didn't want to get hurt. He didn't want to continue letting people back in; he didn't want to keep getting hurt.

See, Stanley loved a boy named Bill Denbrough, but he never thought his friend would feel the same, so he'd rather not have these feelings for him at all. He didn't want to be afraid to tell him about these feelings, but he'd rather just be without them entirely.

Stanley was constantly bullied; for his religion, his need for everything to be done a certain way, and because it was assumed that he was gay. He knew he was, and although no one else knew, they assumed and made sure he knew he wasn't welcome in Derry. No one who participated in these actions could live happily in Derry.

This particular day, Stan wished this more than anything.

It started that morning, before school.

He had fallen asleep studying the night before, and he didn't get to do the laundry he had been planning to do. He was already running late due to having to do it this in the morning, and he didn't have enough time to iron his clothes. This may not seem like a big deal, but Stan was very particular. The clothes were going to be so wrinkled, he thought he would end up looking terrible. He began overthinking, and almost spiraled into a panic attack. He knew it was probably ridiculous, but it was so important to him and he couldn't stop thinking about it.

On his walk to school, he hadn't seen any birds as he usually does. This wasn't a big deal, but it would've brightened his day, at least a little.

When he arrived at school, he heard the rumors about Bill and Beverly. He knew he shouldn't have believed them, because Beverly and Ben had been fawning over each other, but he couldn't help but feel hurt by this. What if it was true?

In first period, he did something he had never done before. He had fallen asleep in class, and he awoke as class was ending. When he realized what he had done, he begged the teacher to give him the work, but she told him he should learn a lesson from this.

In second period, the teacher had been going over the notes so fast that he started falling behind, and he started panicking. When he asked for the notes, he said he should've paid attention.

In third period, his study period, he got the notes from someone else, but as Victor Criss, who was directly behind him noticed him color coding his notes, he began to torment him. He called him many things, a few of them being 'pansy', 'neat freak', 'heeb', and 'fairy'.

The rest of his classes had gone okay, but he couldn't stop thinking about the rumors. What if they were true? Who wouldn't fall for Bill?

As Stan was walking through the hallway, holding back tears, he was shoved and fell backwards. He looked up and saw Henry Bowers, just as he expected.

"Watch it, fag." Henry spoke, walking away.

Stanley didn't want to be hurt by this. Stanley didn't want to sit there and let it happen, he wanted to make sure it never happened again. He wanted the courage to fight back, yet he sat there, stunned.

After a moment, he collected himself and walked out of the building.

As he was making his way to his way to the sidewalk, he saw Bill out of the corner of his eye, walking to his car with Beverly. Stan began to feel even worse, the tears making their way back into his eyes.

He began walking faster, in an attempt to get past without Bill noticing him. He continued to try holding back the tears, but it wasn't working anymore. Tears started pouring just as he walked past them. They tried to get his attention, but the thoughts started making their way into his head.

His shirt wasn't right.

He's going to fail English because he fell asleep.

He's going to fail chemistry because he could've finished the notes if it wasn't for Victor.

He was everything Victor called him.

He deserved it.

Henry wouldn't have shoved him if he didn't.

Bill didn't love him. Even if the rumors weren't true, Bill would never love him.

His face was covered in tears and he was actually starting to get away before his thoughts were interrupted.

"Fucking faggot!"

He looked up to find Henry yelling at Bill, before shoving him and standing over him as if he was going to do more. Beverly was yelling, but no one paid attention because it was Henry.

He knew Henry had given Bill a break, most likely because of Georgie, but it seemed as if it was over, and Stan wouldn't let that happen. He wasn't going to stand there and watch the boy he loved being tormented.

Stan didn't know what came over him, but he knew it was time to stop being afraid.

He walked towards the group, tear stained cheeks and all, dropping his bag on the ground.

He didn't say a word, and everything went black.

When he finally 'regained consciousness', as he thought, he was sitting on top of Henry, unable to stop punching him. His knuckles hurt, his whole hand hurt, but he couldn't stop.

Beverly finally pulled Stan away as Henry stayed on the ground, stunned and disoriented.

They were all stunned. Stan could feel the tears still pouring down his cheeks. He looked down at his shaking hands, already bruised and covered in blood.

Bill stood there staring at Stan, Beverly staring at Henry, who was now walking away, hands covering his face.

"You're gonna get it, jew."

His words didn't even register, as Stan was so stunned.

He looked at Bill, who was staring back.

"St-stan, y-you shouldn't have d-done that. He's g-going to hurt you. They're all g-going to. Y-you didn't n-need to. Why?" he asked.

He wasn't afraid anymore, the only thing he was afraid of was himself. If he doesn't feel the same, he'd be left with himself and although nothing scared him more than that, he knew he wouldn't have to deal with it for long if he couldn't.

"You don't get it, Bill." He said, the tears still pouring.

"I w-want to. I want t-to know why yuh-you did that. You know th-this isn't g-going to end w-well."

Stan looked up at Bill.

"I love you Bill. And I know you don't feel the same and I don't know if I can deal with that, but it's easier than watching him do that to you. I'm not afraid anymore." He said, his voice cracking and tears spilling.

Bill didn't know how to respond, but he knew how he felt.

His left hand grabbed Stans bruised and bloody hand, his right cupping his cheek. He stared into his eyes before kissing him. Hard. He had been waiting so long to do that, and he couldn't wait anymore.

They pulled apart, smiling.

"I love you t-too. Let's g-get you cl-cleaned up."

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