Confessions of a High School Outcast

Chapter Fifteen: Paranoid.

"Ooh wearing a dress. That'll be easy to take off." I turned around but the guy wasn't talking to me.. Weird cause I thought he was...

Paranoid... Paranoia... As of recently I've been quite paranoid...

"1. a mental disorder characterized by systematized delusions and the projection of personal conflicts, which are ascribed to the supposed hostility of others, sometimes progressing to disturbances of consciousness and aggressive acts believed to be performed in self-defense or as a mission.

2. baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others."

I'll go with the second definition... Being with Ben for over a month and James being just friends with me builds up suspicion that something will go wrong soon...

"Hey James why don't you leave me alone I haven't messed with you at all." Ben said to James who was getting so defensive so I walked over "Is there a problem guys?" They both looked at me at the same damn time. James said "No." while Ben said "Yes." then they looked at each other

"Where does jealously end and paranoia begin?"

In hell maybe?

The feud between James and Ben still rages on for what I don't know. If it's for me I'd rather be alone.. But why me!? I love being alone sometimes but I love being with Ben and I loved being with James but being alone is amazing or at least I think so.

"Skye." "Ben hey." I hugged him and he lifted me up some "Hey beautiful, tell your friend James to back off." "Like I can." "You really can. He left you." "But we're friends." "Yeah can't I be jealous? You have Brooke Bianca and all your other friends. Last time I checked they don't try to kiss you." "That was weeks ago Ben." "Then hang out with your gay guy friends." I looked at him "Nothing will happen between us Ben I promise." "Promises can be broken." "Then I swear." I said kissing him "Sure." he said smiling.

Well I guess swears can be broken too...

"We should hang out afterschool Skye." "Not the greatest idea James." "Why not?" "Because." "Ben told you to stop talking to me." "Yes how'd you know?" "I'm friends with some of his friends." "Ben has friends." he smiled "Yeah and one of them is my sister." "Oh Alyssa." "They used to date." "Are you trying something?" "Don't be so paranoid Skye if I wanted you back I would of had you back a month ago." "I beg to differ James." "Why is that?" "Because I would have never took you back. You left me." "All the more reason to get back with me." "I'm not that needy." "Though you got with Ben of all people." "Wow I'm.. back off." "I'm just stating my opinion Skye. I'll see you after school." he said walking away. What the fuck.

"What was that about?" Ben. This will get worse before it gets better. "Nothing Ben." "You sure about that?" "Yeah James was just uh talking." he just walked away. First time for everything right?

I went home alone. Alone time. Yay!! You know what time it is?

Song of the Moment: A Lesson Never Learned by Asking Alexandria.

Then all of a sudden there's a knock on my door. I took out my earphones and went to get the door. James of course. "James I told you not to come." "Since when can't we hang out Skye?" he said walking in. "Since Ben said you couldn't now leave." "No. Did you know he had sex with my sister? Maybe he's just.." "No James he's not. He said that I'm worth the wait." "Mhmm butbhe didn't waste anytime.." "Stop. Why are you doing this?" "I don't want you to be with him." "Because?" "He's not good enough for you." "And you are?" "Yeah I'm better than him." "How?" he walked over to me "Do you see how fucked up he is?" "He's not. You're just jealous." "Am I?" "Leave. I'm not going to let you trash talk my boyfriend for whatever reason." "Because I don't like him. And I care about you Skye, he flirts with other girls does that bother you?" "He doesn't flirt." "He does Skye and I don't..." "Yeah please shut up." he laughed "Skye, I left you to protect you." "But now you want back in? Fuck no." he smiled "Why not?" "You left me for a girl who leaves you constantly." "She was the only one I could turn to Skye." he moved closer and moved the hair out of my face then kissed me I pulled away "I hate you." he pulled my face closer to his and kissed me again smiling. I hate this. I kissed him back because I'm weak. Am I weak? "I love you Skye." I turned away from him "Please leave now James." he put his hand on my shoulder and turned me around "I'm sorry." "Go." he walked out I hope. Wow uh..... He's trying to get back with me.. Why?

Ben never came over or called me so I called him.

"Hey Ben it's me, where are you?"

"Hey, look I'm kinda busy so you should um.."

"Are you okay."

"Yes I'm fine Skye. Bye." he hang up on me. Was it something I said?

He ignored me for the rest of the night for whatever reason yeah I didn't like it.

He didn't even come to school the next day. I went to his house that afternoon. He opened the door after I knocked three times "Skye hey what are you doing here?" "You don't come to school you don't answer my calls or texts and you don't even come to see me why?" "I'm sick." he was lying "Why are you lying? Let me inside." "Go home Skye." I pushed past him "No. What's wrong?" "I'm just not good enough Skye. I'm not good enough for you." "Yes you are. I love you Ben." "But you also love him." "No I don't.." "I came to see you yesterday." "He kissed me." "But you did nothing to stop him." "You're drunk." "Not that drunk Skye." "It was a mistake he wouldn't leave me alone." "If he wants you that bad he can have you." "What you're just giving up?" "I'm tired of fighting Skye. I'd keep fighting but I'm weak." "No you aren't." I made him look at me he looked so upset I kissed him "Please go Skye, I don't want to hurt you anymore." "You never have." I kissed him again but he pushed me away "Please Skye." he said shaking his head then kissing me softly I brushed my fingers against his face and he pulled me closer I could taste the alcohol but didn't really care at this moment. He pushed me up against the wall and we continued to kiss and he started pulling at my clothes. I'd stop him if I wanted to but I really didn't want to... Is this wrong? He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around him and he started kissing and biting my neck gently I was higher than high right now until I looked out the window and seen someone. "Ben stop." he looked up at me "What?" "We're being watched." I whispered. He put me down and looked out the window "No we aren't." "Yeah there was someone there Ben." he walked outside then came back in a few minutes later "I may be a little drunk but dear there is no one out there." "But, I saw." "No one. Only your imagination Skye. I'm sorry about a of this. I shouldn't have kissed you. Go home and get some rest love." "Can't I stay here?" "No you can't. I'm being stupid right now so you should just go." "No I'm not going." "Well why the hell not?" "Because I love you and I'm not going to let you do anything stupid." "My dad will be home soon so I don't think you want to be here when he gets here." "I'm staying Ben." "Fine." he said walking into the kitchen I followed him "Ben you promised." "But I need it right now." "No you don't. You think you do." I said taking the glass from him "You don't see what you do to me Skye." he took the glass back "Yeah I don't but I love you and care about you and alcohol is bad for you so stop." I said smacking his hand which made the glass fall out and shatter on the floor. "What the hell is going on?" that wasn't Ben's voice. "I'm sorry." I said getting on my knees to pick up glass I didn't even look at his dad. "Who the hell is she?" "She's Skye and she's my girlfriend." "Well tell Skye to leave." this was getting awkward fast. "No, She's staying." oh now he wants me to stay. "Tell her to leave Ben. You're drinking again?" "She's not going anywhere. Yes. I am." he grabbed my arm and practically dragged me to his room and I got cut. "I'm sorry Skye." "You don't want me to leave now?" "I don't want to hear his shit when you do leave. Let me see." he took my hand "I'm fine it's just a cut Ben." he walked over to his drawer then walked back over took my hand cleaned the cut and put a band aid on it. "There you go darling." "Thanks. So what's up with your dad?" "He's an ass." "Yeah he really is." "Are you okay Skye?" "Yeah are you?" "I am awesome." he said falling back on his bed I sat next to him "Yeah sure you are." he laughed "Really I am."

Yeah I stayed with him all night until like after one when I made sure he was safe. His dad is mean as hell. He watched me as I left and that was just creepy.

I guess this confession will be short... A lot of things make me paranoid but mainly these things do:

James wanting to get back with me so bad

Ben's creepy dad

Ben starting to drink again.

And more but you know.... I don't know what to do.

I'm just a teensy bit paranoid guys.

Peace.