I Should Not Love Him

Chapter 1- The First Morning.

Authors Note:

So, I went away for a while...This is the result. I hope you like the first chapter because I really want to continue this. Yes it is going to be hard to read, and yes I know Harry isn't depressed, or not that we know of. But we are all here to read and dream...Thanks for atleast reading this <3

Yours truly.

It was a normal Monday morning, 16th of October. Harry woke up by the sound of the alarm on his phone and opened one eye at a time. Usually he would stand up slowly, rub his eyes and walk to the big window four steps away from his bed and look at the busy city at 7 o'clock in the morning. Then he would use the toilet, wash his face with cold water and go into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Then he would make an oatmeal and read the paper online before dressing up in his running clothes. He would pick up his phone and put on his favorite Spotify playlist, walk to the bed that was in the bright living room and give Soleil a kiss. Then, without waking her up, he would leave the apartment and start the running by running down the stairs.

But this morning turned out to be different. Harry felt different. A familiar feeling started crawling up in his stomach. He turned to the other side and closed his eyes but the feeling wasn't going to go away so easily. He was starting to sweat and before he could even blink he was running to the bathroom. The vomit came so suddenly so he didn't make it in time. Harry's breath was out of control as he started to freak out. Without thinking he got on his knees and started to fill his hands with last night dinner to put it in the toilet. 

Soleil woke up. She turned around and didn't see Harry next to her. Weird sounds were coming from the bathroom so she got up and pressed her ear against the door.

" Harry are you alright?" She knocked lightly on the door and the noises stopped.

Few minutes later Harry opened the door. His eyes were red and green and his skin was pale and moist. Soleil was taken a back as he walked passed her without saying a word. She watched him crawl back into bed. 

" Are you getting sick?" She went under the blanket with him but he would not turn around to look at her.

" I'm not feeling very good" He answered after a little bit of silence. 

" Where? I can go to the pharmacy and get something..." She felt bad to see him suffer like that and wanted to help him.

" I don't know where" He muttered. 

Harry was acting a bit different than usually. He had never ever acted so lifeless around her no matter the circumstances. She didn't feel so good about this.

" Harry if you can't tell me where then I can't help you" 

He slowly turned around and the tears started running down his face. Soleil found her heart skip a beat. 

" What happened?" She opened her arms so Harry could lay his head on her chest. He held her so tightly that she couldn't move. First he cried in silence but as the time went by he started to lose control on his breathing and the tears came down faster.

She kissed his forhead and stroke his back with her right hand, hoping that it would calm him down. 

" Just listen to my heartbeat baby" She told him. She definitely knew him because his breathing started to go back to normal and his hands weren't locked around her anymore. 

" I'm sorry Sol" Harry said as he tried to take away the tears with the back of his right hand. She left out a little giggle that made it clear that saying sorry was a dumb thing to do. She didn't know that he had something else on his mind.

" Are you okay now?" She asked him and made him look her in the eyes. She waited for a quick nod, but Harry just looked away. She kissed him on the cheek.

" We can stay here as long as you want" She stroke his curly hair away from his eyes and tried to figure out what just happened.

" I don't think that I can" He said and closed his eyes, trying not to let another tear escape.

" Do you have some plans?" She asked. Harry was hoping that this was just a dream but the pain in his heart was so real that he almost couldn't breath. 

" No, I meant that I don't think that I can stay with you today" 

It was just a usual Monday morning, 16th of October. It was the first morning of so many worse mornings to come.