If You Ever Get Lonely

chapter 14

 *** Summer *** 

          I was so nervous about tonight. technically it's the first time I'm going out with Stephen. It's not a date, at least I don't think it is. I'm still nervous though. I'm just glad that Kennedy and Jason will be with us. it's the only day of the carnival that the 4 of us can actually be together. Tomorrow night Stephen's band is doing a show and then Wednesday night Jason was playing. The truth is I'm also nervous about the rides I've always been weary of machinery that takes you in the air or upside down. I couldn't let Stephen see that though I didn't want him to think I was a child. I admit I lived a sheltered life. there were a lot of things I'd never seen or done in my life. My mom owned and operated a daycare in town which is where I got my love of children and my dad owned a tractor supply company which flourished in these areas. We weren't rich but we weren't poor either. I don't know how my parents would feel about Stephen but I didn't care I wasn't looking for a take home to mom and dad kind of guy I was looking for a live in the heat and now and forget the future kinda guy. Was Stephen that guy? If he wasn't he would be. If he was even into me that was. Why was I so worried about what Stephen thought about me anyway? If he wasn't interested it wasn't that big of a deal, It's not like I was looking for someone to spend my summer with.

       We get to the carnival grounds and see the boys standing by the ticket booth. They already had handfuls of tickets so we can just skip the line. that means we have time for more rides. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Unlike most people I really don't mind waiting in line especially when standing with friends. I felt like I was in a group of teenagers as Kennedy and Jason ran off towards one of the ride yelling and chasing each other. Stephen looked at me and laughed before saying come on and running after them. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. I knew how to have fun. We stood in line for some ride that went side to side. It didn't go upside down but it came pretty close. I gulped in some air. I'm not sure I can do this. "Kennedy are you sure you want to go on this ride NOW? maybe we could go on that one over there the line is shorter"  Kennedy knows I don't mind waiting but I also know how much she hates waiting so that got her and we went to the other only slightly less dangerous looking carnival ride. 

         For the next few hours we went on one dangerous looking ride after another but I have to admit I actually started to have fun. Especially on the rides that had me sitting close to Stephen. I was having such a good time I haven't been to many carnivals in my life but it was a very energetic atmosphere with all the kids running around and playing, teenagers walking around with their friends, The people running the games yelling out trying to talk people into playing. Sometimes between rides we'd stop to play one of those games and really we had no need for cutesy stuffed animals and the like so we pretty much just gave our prizes to random kids. To see the smiles on the faces of the children when we gave them the stuffed animals made me so happy. Stephen was surprisingly good at most of the games especially the shooting ones. Actually whether it was a water gun racing game or shooting a target we were all four really good at those games. I kept hoping that we wouldn't have time for that damn scary ride or that would Kennedy would forget about it. nope not happening. Kennedy and Jason decided it was time to to get in line.

        There was only one ride that scared me more than this one. At least this ride would be over in a few seconds. The hardest part would be actually having the courage to climb in the seat after that harness went down it was all out of my hands. Standing double the height of anything else here and looking all scary and formidable on the other side of the carnival grounds stood my worst enemy when it comes to mechanical rides, the Ferris wheel. In my opinion it was the most unsafe ride there was. First off most of those things didn't have straps, some didn't even have a door that stays shut but those swinging door things and of course it rocked back and forth throughout the ride. Secondly, you were bound to be stopped at the very top at some point in time either at the beginning or end of the ride and if you were really unlucky maybe even both.  And finally one of the worst parts, the ride takes forever with all the loading and unloading of people plus it slowly moves around in a circle a few times once everyone was on giving your mind plenty of time to freak out with every turn of the wheel. Plenty of time for every scenario of what could possibly go wrong to run through your head setting you into a full on panic attack. Of course no one leaves a carnival without riding the Ferris wheel, and since Kennedy wanted to see the concert that started at dusk we didn't have much time. So as soon as this ride was over we were off to the Ferris wheel. The line moved forward. We were next.

         Well, that wasn't that bad. It was actually kind of fun and it was over so fast you don't have much time to even be afraid. maybe I can convince the others to do that again instead of the Ferris wheel. Yeah, that would never work. I swear as we get closer and closer to the Ferris wheel my heart starts racing uncontrollably I feel as if it's going to beat right out of my chest. my breathing gets shallow maybe I'll stop breathing before we make it to the Ferris wheel and I wont have to actually get on it. I start feeling a bit dizzy and nauseous. I don't know if I can do this. I can feel myself shaking and sweating. Maybe not enough to be noticeable to others but it's noticeable to me. I feel like I'm gonna pass out as we get in line. Surprisingly the line isn't really that long which makes Kennedy very happy but I'm not so happy about this. It doesn't take long at all until it's time to climb into the death trap that slightly resembles an upside down umbrella. We're among the first to get on I already know this means we'll eventually come to a complete stop at the top. That's the worst part of the ride, what if it stops working and we're trapped up there all night? or worse? Stephen slides in beside me and Jason and Kennedy sit across from us. I'm starting to shake noticeably now. I can't control it. The ride starts to move and Stephen puts his arm around me and holds my right hand with his right hand. This is the first time we've been in such close contact and it feels so nice I instantly start to calm down. Then Stephen whispers in my ear "It's alright. I have you. I would never let you get hurt. You're safe with me"  It's starting to get dark and as we come to a complete stop at the very top of the Ferris wheel the lights turn on. From up here you can see for miles and miles in every direction and just as every night since arriving in this small Florida beach town you can see the sun going down over the ocean. Although still kind of scared this is the most beautiful sight I've ever seen in my life this was a moment I wouldn't mind lasting forever. You can see the stage where the bands setting up at the corner of the carnival grounds. The Ferris wheel starts to move and I'm very aware of Stephen's arm around me as I lay my head on his chest and he holds me to him. Now this I could get used to.