Straight-Faced

hair gel

Every so often, I would see my fans repost a nice picture of me with a caption like 'OMG LOOK HOW PERFECT THIS HUMAN BEAN IS', thinking that some celebrity like Cameron Macias wouldn't check their indirects. But let me ask this: wouldn't you want to know what other people said about you? Indirects were how people talked behind someone's back on the internet.

The thing was, though, I wasn't perfect. The phrase "perfect human being" is kind of oxymoronic. The "perfect" is canceled out by the "human".

Like everyone else in the world, I had insecurities. Just because I had thousands of teenage girls talking about how perfect I was, it didn't mean that I believed them. It made me think- was my appearance all that people saw to me? Well, yeah, if they didn't try to get to know me.

Everyone has a security blanket, or something that brings them a little further from imperfection. It's something that makes them feel safe when they're outside the comfort of their own home. For a lot of people, that's their phone, a great way to avoid awkward conversations. For other people, it's their friends, a way to not look like a loser doing something other than errands alone in public. For me, it was my hair gel.

I had been wearing products in my hair ever since my days on BBB. Stylists did it for me every time we filmed, but after I grew out of the show, I learned how to style it myself.

I never left the house without gel in my hair. I just didn't feel comfortable without it. I only left my hair down around my parents and Logan. Maybe it was because there were so many opportunities for me to make mistakes out in the world, and I figured that if I was going to go down for anything, my hair might as well look good while that happened. Or, maybe I was just self-absorbed enough to spend a good amount of time and effort on my hair. That's up to audience interpretation.

So yeah, I wasn't perfect. I was more self-conscious than anyone would believe, and I had my ways of coping with that. You can have your cell phones; let me have my hair gel.