Straight-Faced

shatter

My mind was reeling, and I was barely functioning enough to drive. What had I just done?

I mean, I knew exactly what I had done, but I wasn't sure if it had actually happened.

I think I just told my boyfriend that I loved him. And I think he said it back. Both of those should be normal things, but my tendency to see everything as a big deal didn't care.

Okay, okay. I needed to put that aside for now. Luke was fine, I was fine, our relationship was fine. He wasn't my top priority to worry about at the moment.

Oh gosh, Anna Lee. She hadn't been in a good situation to come out at school, but now, she had been outed to the entire world. If she hadn't been ready, then this would be really rough on her. I had a bad feeling that Sage was right. This would break her. And I wasn't sure if I could fix it.

In the midst of my stressing, I momentarily forgot that it was rude to barge into someone's house. By the time I realized that, it was too late to go back outside and ring the doorbell.

I sprinted up to Anna Lee's room and pounded on the door. "Anna Lee! You'd better not be naked right now because I'm coming in!" I didn't wait for a response before throwing the door open.

"Are... you okay?" Anna Lee asked quizzically as I caught my breath. Unlike Luke, she had actually been studying.

"You haven't seen them."

Anna Lee frowned. "Seen... what?"

I raked a hand through my hair in a futile attempt to fix it. "So no. Okay, I don't want you to freak out, but that might be asking for too much." I held the magazines out to her. She took the stack and started leafing through them carefully.

"These are us," she said slowly, studying each cover picture. "But I don't get it. This has happened before."

Yeah, there had been articles about us published before. There had even been articles about us frequently double-dating another couple. Maybe that had been why we had all felt safe to relax.

I shook my head. "Keep going."

Her eyes widened when she got to the one of Luke and I kissing. "I—"

I cut her off. "That's not it."

She put that one off to the side. The following magazine had the cover picture that would tear apart her life, if she let it. I wasn't sure how much of an if that was.

She stared at it. Blinked. Slowly stood up.

She flipped through the rest of the stack quickly, and then threw all of them onto the floor.

"Why? Why would someone do that?"

She was angry, beyond infuriated. I had to remember that I wasn't the one she was mad at and that she was probably just using anger to balance out how scared she was.

"This is all my fault. I should've remembered to be more careful."

I had said the same thing, but her emotions were different than my initial ones.

"And what about you? What's—"

"Anna Lee!"

I couldn't believe that she was selfless enough to think of me in her distress. I hadn't remembered her until I was making out with my boyfriend over his bathroom counter.

I sighed. "I'm sorry, okay? I really do feel bad for you, but freaking out isn't going to help anything. We're out, and there's nothing we can do to cover it up. The best thing to do is to think through how you want to deal with this before acting."

Think before acting. I could vouch for the fact that the strategy wouldn't last for more than a year and a half.

"Y'know, sometimes I forget that you're an adult," Anna Lee muttered.

I also couldn't believe that she had the ability to crack a joke right now. "This isn't the time for a backhanded compliment."

"Sorry."

I watched silently as Anna Lee regained control of her breathing.

A few minutes later, she whispered, "What am I going to do?"

In all my relationships, friendly or romantic or familial, I had always been the one to take advice. Up until this point, nobody had ever needed real help from me. With Anna Lee, I had to be the stronger one, and I didn't feel qualified for this. How was I supposed to help her?

"Remember when I told you that you get to make your own decisions? This is one of them," I told her. "This is your call. You own your life, remember? You need to handle this in the way that you think is best for you."

I hope she knew what that was, because I sure as hell didn't.

"What about you?" she asked again.

"Me?" I shrugged. "I'm not worried. I was kinda expecting it to happen. I have to ask Luke what he wants to do, but I think we're fine. I just wanted to see if you were okay first. Are you okay?"

Anna Lee sighed. "Not at the moment. Sage—"

"Isn't who you need to worry about," I finished for her. "You can't even see her face in any of these pictures. No, she's not gonna hate you. She could never. It's okay to think about yourself when you need to."

Anna Lee was the kind of person who spent her whole life pleasing others at the cost of her own happiness. She was selfless by nature, so she couldn't see that she was the only one of us who was in real danger.

"I wasn't ready," she said helplessly. "I'm still not. Help me, Cameron."

"I don't think I can."

I hated telling the truth sometimes; that was why I acted. But the acting would have to be put on hold until my friends, boyfriend, and I figured this situation out.

"I can only promise to be here for you if you need someone to talk to," I said. "So will the rest of your friends, if you don't wanna talk to me. Whatever's ahead, I promise you'll get through it. You've got me, the rest of your friends, and your parents behind you. If it gets really bad, ask them for advice." It would get really bad, and I knew that. When being outed was in the same equation as a homophobic high school class, there was no way that it would equal good things.

"Okay, I'm done now," I said. "Do you want a hug?"

Anna Lee nodded. "Yes, please."

She went limp in my arms, and we sank to the ground. I held her like Luke had held me earlier, hoping that she would feel comforted, if only for a few minutes.

"It's gonna turn out okay," I mumbled. I tried my best to believe it.

Anna Lee had gone through too much to not be granted more happy endings, yet she hadn't much luck in that department. Things would get better for her; they had to. No one deserved to have their story end like this.