Straight-Faced

rethink

After Logan had driven us home yesterday, I had made a beeline to my room. I was now lying down on my bed and staring up at the ceiling. I was pretty sure that I hadn't moved at all in the past twelve hours.

For most of that time, Logan had left me alone in my blanket of self-pity. It was only in the past twenty minutes that he had started trying to get me to talk. He was currently sitting next to me, cross-legged, trying to get a response out of me.

"Cam. Cameron. Cameron Macias. C-Man. C-Dawg. Cici's Pizza."

I tried very hard not to cringe at the last few, and I failed miserably.

Unfortunately, Logan saw me react, so he knew that I was listening.

I wasn't sure what was wrong. I didn't think I was mad at him. Well, he did make me leave Luke's house before I wanted to. Stupid cockblocking best friend. Okay, maybe I was a little mad. But Logan didn't understand, so I didn't blame him. I guess I was a little sad about the whole thing? Real, unscripted emotions took so much effort to figure out.

"Cameron? I was wrong."

That got my attention.

I was used to Logan never being wrong about anything, so hearing him say that was a surprise.

"What were you wrong about?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

Logan looked pleased that he finally got me to say something. Just less than twenty-four hours ago, he was threatening my life to get me to shut up.

"Yesterday," he said simply, as if that explained it.

It did. I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I put a lid on my hope before I could get too ahead of myself.

"You said a lot wrong things yesterday," I joked. "For example, the pineapple on pizza thing."

"No, the other thing." He took a deep breath. "Maybe moving on isn't always the best thing to do."

"In this case, it is." I had to shut this down before I got too ahead of myself. "I got my closure, didn't I? That's what I needed."

"But was it what you wanted?" Logan had a point, but I wouldn't take it.

"No. But that doesn't matter." I bit my lip, already knowing that I was about to get lectured.

Sure enough, Logan had a different opinion that was louder than mine.

"Of course it matters!" Logan exploded. He jumped off of my bed. "You're allowed to want things, okay? And you won't always get it, but it's important. If not to anyone else, or even yourself, then it is to me. I want you to be happy. You're allowed to want that for yourself too."

"I don't need constant satisfaction." I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince him or myself.

"That's not the same as being able to feel happy."

"I wouldn't know," I mumbled. That thought sort of scared me.

"Let's back up a little," Logan suggested. "As much as I always complain about you doing this, I'm encouraging you to do it now. Tell me how you feel about him."

"Luke? He's nice." I start there. "I hung out with him at my birthday party."

"He wrote you the note," Logan interrupted, nodding at the napkin hanging on the wall.

"Yeah. I didn't see his face that night because of the weird lights, but I was able to recognize his voice yesterday. The party wasn't the first time that we came face-to-face, though." I managed to smile a little at my own joke.

Logan snickered. "Literally. The sound kid from bring-your-kid-to-work day. I figured it was him right after you asked the question about when you two met. Also, I eavesdropped on you guys while you were talking, hope you don't mind."

I sat up so I could glare at him, but then I rolled my eyes and sighed. "I'm not surprised."

"You shouldn't be. So answer the question, Cam."

"I like Luke. He's a great person. We could be friends."

Logan gave me a patient look. "But...?"

"But, he happens to be the same person whose face has hung in front of me for years."

"Do you like him? Wait, let me rephrase that. Do you want to date him?"

"It's only been a week, but at the same time, it's been four years."

"Answer the question," Logan repeated.

"I don't know," I said honestly. "But I like him, I know that. I don't want to lose him from my life. He's been a big part of my teen years, even though I haven't really seen much of him until recently. Still, I'd hate lose touch with him. It would suck to never see him again."

"And that's all you need. I think I was wrong. See, I told you to let go and move on, but that doesn't seem like it could happen. So, new advice, which I'd definitely understand if you were reluctant to follow. But you should get to decide what you want. Rethink this and follow your heart."

I stood up, grabbed my car key ring, and walked out of my room. I didn't need to rethink anything; I had thought it over years ago.