Trespasser On My Heart

Part 1

"I'm not saying goodbye." Dorian said. His voice trembling slightly, giving away the cheery air he was trying to affect.

"Doesn't seem like it from where I'm standing." I retorted, feeling a petty satisfaction at how my words made him flinch, even as my hand closed in a tight fist over the strange amulet he'd given me.

He stepped closer, reaching for me and without thinking I moved out of his reach, watching as his arms fell useless at his sides.

"Please, amatus..." He pleaded, his eyes moist. "This isn't what I wanted at all. It's only temporary, just give me a little time to sort things out back home. Time to establish myself, make it safe for you..."

There was that word again... home, and I felt something twist inside me. So many things wanted to pass through my lips. Anger that he would keep this from me, hurt that he'd planned to go back before the Conclave had even convened. Betrayal that he would leave me after everything that had happened, with the Exalted Council, the Inquisition and Solas.

The fact that he'd kept this from me hurt like nothing had ever hurt before. Not even my father's disapproval and disdain had hurt this much. It made me think awful things, that every time he'd said he couldn't bear to lose me, he'd meant on someone else's terms, or how he hated being apart but only because he had nowhere else to go. But the worst thought, the one that refused to breathe one word of what I was really thinking, was that he'd told me the truth long ago. That despite his vehement denial and reluctance to begin a relationship with me, he really had been the Magister who'd been using me.

"Amatus?" Dorian prompted. "Please say something."

I looked at him then and with all the poisonous thoughts running through my head, I couldn't see the man I loved who professed to love me. Instead, I saw a Magister who wanted the power he was being granted even if it meant leaving me, the only man he'd ever claimed to love.

"I'm sorry for your loss Dorian. I know you and your father weren't close but he was still your father."

"He was. Yes." He frowned. I could almost taste his fear and panic over how empty and flat my voice was.

"I wish you safe journey and good luck Dorian. From what I understand of Minrathous, you're going to need it. If you'll excuse me, I need to speak with Josephine before I leave the Winter Palace."

I relished the look of shock in his face as I turned away from him, by heart pounding in my chest, tight with grief and rage.

His hand landed on my arm as he moved to stop me, his eyes filling with unshed tears.

"Amatus.." He begged. "Please don't leave it like this."

I whirled around, my eyes flashing with anger as I forced him to remove his hand from me.

"Never call me that again." I whispered, my voice grown cold with rage. "You can lie and reason and justify all you want Dorian but you planned to return to Tevinter long before the Conclave was called. You knew and you didn't talk to me about it. You made a decision and didn't bother to tell me until now. Why? Because if you had a real reason to return I might be more understanding? More sympathetic? I have to wonder how long you were planning to stick around if your father hadn't died."

"Nathaniel please. It's not like that at all. Let's talk about this."

"Vishante kaffas!" I roared. "There's nothing to talk about! You warned me you didn't know how to do relationships and I didn't listen. Go home Dorian. Maker knows you've never liked Ferelden or ever considered it your home. I always ignored that bit you know? Thinking maybe it was because you were in a country where magic is suspect, making you feel outcast. But I was wrong again wasn't I? Ferelden will never be your home, not even if it's mine."