Three Little Birds

Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

"Mattie." I looked at him, my expression a pathetic plea to just get it done with. I turned my back to him once again, tipping back my head as I did so.

"I'm right here. It's just me and you." And my demons I added silently. "Here goes."

I felt the water touch the back of my head, his fingers working with the stream to both calm me and work the soap out. The stream worked its way up toward my forehead and I closed my eyes.

Just as my breathing became erratic, as the screams of my younger self became too much for me to hear, the water disappeared and shut off.

Vaguely I heard the shower curtain slide open in the background and before I knew it a towel and familiar arms wrapped around me.

I melted into his embrace, and he picked me up from the tub, his bigger body holding me against his chest bridal style. No words were exchanged as he carried me into his room, my clothes already laid out on his bed.

He set me down by the bed and we both made short order of getting dressed.

Suddenly I was angry. At myself. At Mykel. At my parents, my sister, the very world. I stood beside the bed, my back to Mykel, my arms crossed over my chest defiantly.

I felt more than I heard him walk up behind me. My breathing stopped and I stiffened as he touched me. His fingers, barely grazing the tops of my shoulders slid away and I heard him sigh lightly behind me.

"Mattie..." His hands lightly gripped my elbows in attempt to turn me to face him, but I shook from his grasp and stepped away from him. And I kept stepping.

Liz was in her bedroom, her door open as I came down the stairs. I heard her call my name but I didn't stop, nor turn around, as I all but ran from the house.

It was daylight enough that I didn't make another unexpected dive into the small pond, and I steered clear of it.

I wasn't so much running as briskly walking.

I heard no pursuit behind me. Neither Liz nor Mykel followed behind as I crossed the property line. I hadn't paid close attention to where exactly I was going and when I finally looked around I realized I had wandered off onto one of many trails that hikers often traversed. And one I didn't know, on top of that.

Mykel and I had come out walking many times over the past few months. But always in the daylight. And always with him as my guide. I looked around at the canopy of treeline above my head.

Fuck.

It was nearing dark now, the last little bit of light fading from the horizon, I looked around. It left the trail in just enough light to see, abundant in shadow from the trees.

"Shit. What now?"

"Now it's time to come home."

I spun around, my heart jumping into my throat, my breath catching. "Jesus fucking Christ, what are you trying to do to me?"

Mykel smiled softly. "I'm sorry. Come on, Mattie. We should get out of here."

I took his offered hand in mine and we set off toward the house. We were quiet for a long time, not speaking until breaking the tree line onto Liz's property.

Among trying to get my thoughts together, I was trying, and failing, to keep my footing. However, it seemed that tree roots magically popped up underneath my feet with every two steps I took.

As we paralleled the pond, I stopped, my hand not leaving his, the pull of his arm as he kept walking making him turn now back toward me.

"I didn't know you'd followed me." I was staring out at the water, still with the barest of ripples fluttering across it as a wind swept along its surface.