Running Low {S.M}

XXX - She'll Be The One*

"Shawn," I breathed, gripping on tightly to his shoulders.

"Baby girl," he groaned kissing my lips lightly.

"I-I lov-love y-you," I said.

He didn't saying anything, his body concentrated on finishing us both. Our moans filled the room as his pace quickened. Grips got tighter, and we finally released.

His body collapsed on top of mine with his breaths still heavy. My chest heaved as he hid his face between my breasts.

I heard him mumble something, but I couldn't quite catch it.

"What did you say?" I questioned, letting my voice fill the empty room.

"I love you Elena."

I smiled slightly, placing a kiss on his scruffy, curly locks. I could feel him smile against me as I did so.

"I love you too Shawn."

As I said that, we both drifted off to sleep.

~~~

It was the middle of the night. I had been laying there for only a couple of minutes. My mind filled with multiple thoughts. The way I felt with him right now made me realize something. I had given him everything, again.

I was scared...I'll admit that. I don't want it to be this way. I don't want this to be how it all starts. I don't want to be that girl who comes crawling back after her boyfriend had left her. Because I'm not that type of girl. I may not appear that way, but I am. On the inside.

Even if we had just slept together, I was still scared. Although I do love him, I'm still scared. I'll probably always be scared. Because I don't want to get hurt again. Especially by him. I need him....more than ever now. But I don't want him to hurt me again.

I couldn't let him into my life that easily, even if I had just done so. He was mine and I was his...I know that. But it still occurs to me that I'll be that type of girl.

That one type of girl who you could easily walk over to, and get anything you want from her. When he and I were apart, I changed, and I will admit that. Each time the days would turn into months, to years, my innocence began to disappear, but not my soul.

I may not be as innocent anymore, but I will assure you that I am more independent now. Yes, a lot has happened over the past three years.

And I've missed him like crazy, I still do. But just feeling his body lay on top of mine made me feel safe and secure. But then apart of me doesn't.

Apart of me still felt hurt, and scared. I don't want to be put through what I had been through four years ago. Yes, I love him, but who says that he won't do something like that again?

What if he does end up leaving again? Will he put me in the same depression I was once in, and everything will just repeat itself? I can't possibly let that happen. I won't let it.

This time I'm not letting him go again. Although he hurt me, I still need him. It's me and him until he end, but still, I'm hesitant about the idea of being with him.