Saving Grace (Completed)

Letting Go

Mom and I stand on the lookout. The very same lookout, on the very same mountain we three came to on my birthday every year. This is where he wants his ashes. The place where we were all three happy. The one time every year, before moving to Korea, that we were like a happy family.

Mom takes a breath.
"Gracie. He left us each a letter. I read mine, but here's yours."
She hands it to me and sits at the edge. I cautiously sit beside her and let my feet dangle. I unfold the letter...

My Gracie,
I'm sorry, but I couldn't do this anymore. The pain I've caused you and your mother is more than I can bear. When we were just teenagers, and your mom was expecting you, we were so excited and happy. I promised your mom the world. Instead I brought her nothing but heartache. When you came along, I swore I would be a better parent than I had ever known. I ruined that too. I put you through a life no little girl should ever have to go through. I'm so sorry my baby. I was beaten and raped by a demon of a man almost daily. I should've known better. My childhood is no excuse for what I've done. But I hope that one day maybe you can understand why that messed me up enough to think what I did to you was normal. Baby I can't tell you how sorry I am. Now, I've finally decided to end this. I've waited so long. I've been so scared. I don't want to go to Hell. I know I deserve it, but I'm scared. I find myself wishing there was reincarnation. It would be nice to have another shot at this. Maybe be a better man next time. I'm proud of the young woman you have become. Despite my efforts, you are amazing. I'm hoping me being gone will make you feel free. I know when they told me my stepdad had died I felt so much relief. I hope you can move on and find peace knowing I love you. I didn't show it the right way, but I love you.
Daddy

I don't even know what to do. I look over at Mom just staring out at the mountains. I take the urn and open it. I look out and ask Mom, "Is there anything you want to say?"
She takes a deep breath, "I've loved him for most of my life. I don't know what to do without him. I just hope he's at peace."
I nod and we both hold onto a side of the urn. We tilt it over and I watch what remains of my father blow in the wind across the Smokey Mountains. I can't imagine a better way to say goodbye to him. He wasn't the best dad, but he was my dad. There were nightmarish memories, but some good ones too. I can finally let go of the hurt. I can finally move on. After all, that's what he asked me to do.

Mom and I make our way back down the mountain. We share some of our good memories of my dad. I guess there are more than I thought. He knew how to make us laugh. He made us both cry allot, but we didn't want to think about the bad times. We wanted to enjoy being together. Not rehash old hurts.

I stayed with her for a few days. Just being with her and trying to help her cope. I tried to get her to come back to Korea with me, but her life was here now. She waved goodbye to me at the airport, and this time I was sad to leave her behind.

After way to much travel yet again I finally got back home. I could've kissed the ground when the plane landed in Seoul. I took a cab to my apartment and trudged up to the door. It flung open just before I turned the knob showing a beaming Mia.

"Yah! What took you so long?!"
She squeezed me so hard I thought my eyes would pop.
"Mia...Gracie can't breathe."
She stepped back, "Sorry Gracie-poo."
I unloaded my luggage, and flopped on the couch. I got my phone out to call JiYong.
"Hello beautiful! I've missed you!"
I smile to myself,"I missed you too."
"Can you come hang out with me later? I really want to see you. I've missed you so much. I need your lips too."
I giggled, "Sure but I desperately need a nap first. How about I cook you dinner tonight?"
I can hear the smile in his voice.
"You cook?"
"When the mood hits me, yeah. For some reason I want to take care of you. I can't imagine why." I tease him.
He snickers a little.
"Arasso. Do you know the way or should I pick you up?"
"Ummmm, I've never been there So maybe you should come get me."
"7:30 work?"
"Umhmm. I'll see you then."
We hang up and I grin like a child.