White Dragon Stories

Loneliness

*

Hakuryuu had went to bed again. Falling asleep next to the cold window was not so pleasant and harder than in a warm and comfortable bed. And it was already hard to fall asleep there! He hoped that Judar would soon return from his trip. The black-haired Magi was good at distracting him and making him tired. And the palace was somewhat livelier with Judar around. It wasn't so monotone. As annoying as Judar could be, it also could be very entertaining with him. Over the years Judar had become more mature and calm. He took his duties as Magi and advisor more serious, which was a nice change. Hakuryuu had to admit that he had been wrong about Judar for quite some time. The other one was indeed a reliable friend and good at listening to one's complains without commenting on them – sometimes he would complain that he had to listen to Hakuryuu's whining, but in the end the black Magi always came to Ryuu to listen anyway. Hakuryuu was happy about that gesture. It meant a lot to him.
Had he ever told Judar? Probably not. Next time he would thank Judar for it and tell him how much he appreciated it. Yes, he would do that as soon as Judar was back! And he would cook something nice for his friend! They could eat together with Kougyoku – the three of them never had done so before and this needed to be changed. If he remembered correctly, hadn't Judar complained not too long ago that Hakuryuu did not cook often enough and that he wanted to eat more of Hakuryuu's cooking? Well, the reason why Hakuryuu hadn't cooked much lately was simply due to him being extraordinarily busy with the political and economic affairs of the Empire. Thus, right now that things calmed down was the perfect time to make changes. All he had to do was to actually go through with it. Just making plans was easy, but implementing them was not.
Judar liked peaches, so he should make something out of peaches. But he didn't knew any recipes including peaches. Maybe the chef or one of the servants in the kitchen knew one. Or he made something else without peaches. It wasn't like there were no other meals Judar liked, however peaches were the most liked one and the easiest.

Now that he thought about, what kind of meal he should cook for his friend he remember something, he never thought had actually paid much attention to: Judar was always smiling, while eating, and praising Hakuryuu's cooking. Alright, he had paid attention to it and it had made him feel great. His heart had felt so warm. However, he never had paid attention to the impact it had on him. Somehow he realized it only now, but he had thought about Judar's smile, when eating his meals, from time to time. He had thought about Judar's praise, while making food and it always had made him smile. Maybe he had not paid attention, because it was natural to be happy about praise or seeing how someone else appreciated one's work. Creating a meal was work! Work Hakuryuu enjoyed and even made him relax, but it was still work.
A smile played on his lips. His heart felt warm. It was a beautiful memory. He wanted more praise from Judar. He wanted more beautiful memories. When Judar was back he would tell him, what had happened in the meantime, while Judar ate and then he would listen to Judar's story. Hopefully, Judar wanted to talk about his journey. Unfortunately, the black Magi was a bit incommunicative in this regard. At times it felt as if the other one tried to hide something. When Judar had problems, Hakuryuu wanted to help his friend. He preferred to know what was going on, to know the truth behind someone's action, which was most of the time only possible, when knowing what happened in someone else's life. For many years he had ignored, who Judar really was and had imposed his impression of Judar on the latter one, so he now wanted to know, who Judar really was! He could know it by now, but he had missed that change, which he sincerely regretted and wished to apologize for. By now he knew that Judar had suffered a lot, just like Hakuryuu himself. By now he knew that Judar was alone, just like Hakuryuu himself. By now he knew that he had been wrong all those years.

Hakuryuu wrapped himself in his blanket. The warmth that cloaked him made him feel a bit better – as if he wasn't alone, as if someone was here with him to warm him. Just an illusion, but better than nothing. Maybe he now would find sleep. Nice thoughts and surrounded by warmth were good conditions to fall asleep. He closed his eyes and hoped that it would soon be sound asleep.

At first he did not hear, how someone entered his room and tiptoed to his bed. But he heard a soft click, which caused him so snap his eyes open and almost jump out of his bed. His heart was racing. Who was there? Who had entered his bedroom without permission and at such a late hour? An assassin? Hakuryuu grasped the first thing he could get out of reflex. It wasn't only Hakuryuu, who was alarmed, the intruder also jumped, thereby he knocked down whatever he had put onto the nightstand. Luckily, before anything bad could happen – for example someone getting hurt – Hakuryuu recognized the other person.
"Judar?", Hakuryuu asked with an unsure undertone.
Was this really Judar? And if so, what should he do here, especially in the middle of the night? Alright, Judar sometimes indeed showed up at night and misused Hakuryuu as pillow – until now the latter one had never minded this. It bewildered him, but one got used to it over the time.
"What are you doing here?"
A good question, if one asked Hakuryuu.
"Yo!", Judar greeted, "I am back."
"I can see that", Hakuryuu responded.
He slowly put back what he had grasped out of reflex.
"Where have you been?", he asked.
"Somewhere."
"You don't say."
Well, what had he expected? Judar hadn't said where he was about to go, when he had left, so why should he say it now?
Out of tiredness Hakuryuu sat down on his bed. This was perfect time to fall asleep, but he was curious what Judar wanted. On the other hand, he could ask that later again, without getting an answer. Judar could be very stubborn at times.

Judar picked up the tiny bock he had knocked off before and put it inside his pocket and then made himself comfortable next to Hakuryuu on the bed.
"Why are you still awake?", he wanted to know.
He sounded somewhat worried – or Hakuryuu had just imagined it.
"Because, obviously, I cannot sleep."
"Feeling lonely?"
"Yes."
"Well, I am here now. So, you are not lonely anymore."
"That's right. By the way, why are you here? You should have gone to your room and sleep. It is pretty late, you know."
"I know. I just wanted to give you something", Judar answered and looked away.
"You could have done so later. It's not like I will be gone at the end of the night", Hakuryuu noted. The Magi hid something and Hakuryuu wanted to know, what it was. They were friends, right? So they could tell each other everything, or not?
"Well, I just wanted to be done with it. You know that I am bad at remembering things, so why not give you what I wanted to give you, while I do remember it?"
"But you had no intention of waking me up, right? Consequently, I would probably never known that you gave me something or wanted to do so. What good should that be?"
Judar stayed silent. He didn't want to admit that he was too afraid of facing Hakuryuu directly, when giving him the small box.
Since Judar did not say anything and did not hand over whatever he wanted to give Hakuryuu, the latter one ask: "What do you want to give me?"
Hakuryuu got more and more tired. It was only a question of time until he would finally fall asleep, especially now that he wasn't alone anymore.

Hesitantly, Judar grabbed the box inside his pocket and shoved it into Hakuryuu's hands. Still looking away from the latter one. Not saying anything. Curiously Hakuryuu inspected the tiny black box. Judar had never brought anything back from his trips, besides a few stories of what he had experienced on his journey, but never had it been a gift. He took his sweet time until he opened it. What he found inside surprised him. Words failed him. A big smile appeared on his face. With great care he took the small thing out of the box to take a better look at it.
"Do you like it?", Judar asked insecurely.
"Yes, I do", Hakuryuu answered smiling, while looking at his gift.
It was the most beautiful gift he had ever received and the one with the most important meaning behind.