White Dragon Stories

Loneliness

Honestly, whom did he try to trick here? How should he suddenly stop himself from feeling something? Why should he? He was an emotional person and there was nothing wrong with that. All he had to do, was to watch out that his feelings didn't get the best of him. Being led by emotions alone was not wise.
He was smart and could be very slick, if wanted or needed. Just because others had a low opinion of him, didn't mean that he had to look down on himself as well. Everyone else was just wrong! They wanted to put him down, because they were afraid of him, because they knew there was more to him than just a cute little boy. He had been in their way to power and so needed to push him down. His mind knew this, but liked to forget about it most of the time. His self-esteem was near the freezing point! And it was all their fault. It would take more years to recover from the hell he had been through.

*

On silent feet he made his way down the dark hallway. His destination was a room at the end. He was sure that the other one was sound asleep, who wouldn't at such a late hour – so he could carry out his plan without any interruption. Nervousness followed him ever since he had returned and made him look over his shoulder constantly. Hopefully no one had seen him until now. He didn't want anyone to ask questions. A part of him had awaited, longed for this day for so many years, another part wanted to run away and postpone this day further.
Yet, today was the right time to carry out his plan, because he only had the courage to do so now. It was just a feeling he had – one he had never thought to possess – that today everything would go smoothly. He would slip into the room, go through with his plan and then leave without anyone knowing that he had been there. Perfect!
His hands were sweaty. No surprise, since he was so nervous. A lot was on the line! What if he got caught in action? No, he shouldn't think like this! Think positive! Everything would go perfectly, just like that feeling, he had had not so long ago, had convinced him. Where was it now? Although he didn't want to admit it, he was afraid and needed comfort. There was nobody in his life, he could have told about his scheme and therefore there was no one he could now lean on, no one that would comfort him. Well, he wouldn't have allowed anyone to do that anyway, despite him wanting it. This was his problem, his issue. So, nobody else should interfere!

The moon light barely reached him, so he hardly saw where he was or better said, if there was anything in front or next to him. He was an easy target right now. However, he knew the way to his destination better than anyone else! In case something was different than usual, he would definitely realize it.
His feet were cold. Until now they never had felt so cold. Was it because of the late hour? Or was it due to the fact that he tried to distract himself – was he searching for an excuse to turn around and run? No, of course not! He would never run away! Up to now, he always had done what he wanted and he wouldn't let anyone change that! No one would stop him from doing whatever the hell he wanted, not even himself! Sounded strange, even to himself, but this was unimportant. More important was the fact that he finally reached the door, which led into the room he called his destination. Hesitantly, he opened it after a more or less long time of just standing right in front of it and constantly playing with whatever he hid inside his pocket. There was no turning back anymore! It was sink or swim! And he didn't want to sink. He wanted to live and be happy. Happiness was just a few steps away – at least if his plan went well. The operative word was "if"! On the other hand, if it did not then no harm was done either, since no one knew and would ever know that he had been here.
From a logical point of view this was total nonsensical and stupid, but logic and him weren't friends. So, there was nothing that could be done against this little contraction in his plan and his final goal. Maybe he knew, but didn't want to make amends, because deep down he was too afraid of a negative outcome and the truth he then had to face – doing it this way was better, when he wanted to deny it later on. This plan was perfect! Perfect to whom, was a different and complicated question and he would not bother himself with complicated things. He was doing his own thing, just like always!