seahorses and crabs

Family Concern

Kankri's pov:

"Journal entry 345 of 2017-

Over the past few weeks I've been noticing a rather dramatic change in the way karkat has been acting. I'm deeply concerned about him but alas I do not know how to engage a conversation that will deal with possible or all problems he may or may not be facing. I am not the best when it comes to emotions but I will try my hardest, maybe his close friends know something. I'll try and get in contact with them. In the mean time, I will have to keep a closer eye on karkat. I do not want any harm to befall upon my 'little brother' as I believe the humans call it. *note to self, study more on human terms and traditions*"

I finish writing in my journal, I like to keep a note of all the events that happen day by day in a journal for every year. I put the journal and my pen away, making my way to Karkats room. I listen closely as to not intrude by knocking and risk distracting him from his current activities if he is doing any. The sound of a film can be heard through the door and the light rustling of a packet. I assume he is watching a romantic comedy, his daily pastime I assume. I decide now would not be a good time for me to bring up any problems he may be facing as he could be feeling very uplifted, and bringing up the subject may trigger sad emotions. I do not wish to trigger him at such an age with thoughts of possible depression or anxiety.

I make my way down into the kitchen and begin making myself a cup of tea. Along with writing lectures and taking time to make sure my bubbler (or tumbler to most humans) posts are frequent, I do enjoy having some calming time to myself with a cup of tea and a emotional or comedic musical, a secret passion of mine. Although, when I find myself with nothing to do or watch, somehow I find myself talking to cronus. It's always cronus I talk to when in stress or need of company. Of course I do talk to my other comrades or 'friends' as some may call them, but when in need I always go to cronus. Does this mean anything? I must look further into this and figure out if there is any possible emotions toward the self proclaimed human and human expert. Infact, I do not believe humans count in my celibacy, I remember when I first came across the term and I remember some of the description, "Having no sex whatsoever. usually as part of a religious vow, even though not many religions practice it." But I believe it doesn't count to those who do not identify within your species. ((Again don't call me up on this, this is just a way I get the two to work in my ship))

As I am thinking about this I hear Karkats bedroom door open, hopefully I get to talk to him about anything that may be troubling him.

" karkat? Can I have a quick word with you?"

"*groan* I don't think your definition of quick and mine are the same"

"I promise you this will be fast as I do not want to keep you from your daily romantic comedy marathon"

He sighs and stands infront of me. I look at him

"Now, I have been noticing some changes in your attitude, if something is bothering you, you do know you can come to me and talk about it right?" I look him in the eyes.

".... why do you think something's wrong? I'm growing up so of course there's going to be changes in my personality"

"I suppose that is true, but they do not normally happen this fast. Even with Meenah, her change from innocent girl to a rather bossy and immature teen was gradual. With you, and I know it's different for everyone, I just thought it would be gradual as well"

He looks to the side, it's clear he doesn't want to linger on the subject..

"Listen, kankri, I know somewhere in that mind of yours that you think something is wrong. But honestly, everything's OK, you have your own personal problems and I have mine, I'm not saying any of this to get you angry or upset, but please, mind your own damn business. We all have things we have to deal with ourselves. You of all people should know what I mean.... I'll see you at dinner"

And with that he leaves right back into his room. I sigh and put down my mug, thinking about what he said. I can't help but feel like he's keeping something from me. He can't keep it locked up for long, I will find out what's going on with him.

Why does he think that I can't help him with personal problems? I understand there's things people/trolls need to do by themselves but they still need a little help. And if he has learned that from me, well... I've been setting a bad example for him when I should have been setting a good one. Why are emotions so hard to understand?! That's it, I need to talk to someone who knows how to help their little siblings. Maybe porrim? No no, she will see the state I'm in and I do not wish to be there for longer than I need to be. Mituna? No not him either, although he is a good brother I don't think he could help me that much. Cronus?.... perhaps, I do see him with eridan when I'm out for my walks and the two seem very close. I'll need to consider my other options before deciding.

I just hope I come to a decision fast before something terrible happens to karkat that I really can't help him with...

I'm worried.