Do I Really Love You? Do You Really Love Me?

Maybe It Won't Be So Bad

Kellin's P.O.V.

Shit, I procrastinated too long. I jumped out of bed quickly grabbing a black pair of skinny jeans and throwing them on along with my black tank top before looking for my red and black flannel and throwing it on over the tank top. I just brushed out my shoulder length black hair quickly and styled it before grabbing my beanie. I checked my wrists determining on whether or not to wear my bracelets. My cuts were pretty visible still so I grabbed my red and black bracelets to cover them. I grabbed my black toms and my school bag checking I had everything before grabbing my phone and headphones so I could begin to walk to school.

"Kellin you didn't eat breakfast so remember you ungrateful fag no food till dinner" I heard my mother call as I came downstairs not really caring I begun to walk to the door. Walking through the living room as silently as possible cautious not to wake my father who would most likely be passed out on the couch. When I reached the door I opened it and walked out shutting it silently and quickly. I then ran down my porch steps and down the street to school. My friends should have been arriving there soon before me I wasn't too thrilled to see them as I was pretty different from them and didn't exactly click with them anymore. I still needed them however as I can't be alone people will just see me as some loner don't get me wrong I am but I would need to talk to people in real life. I kept walking to the school till I saw it my anxiety begun to hit me but I pushed myself to go up to the school. I saw my friend's mom's car meaning she was here along with my other friend since she gave her a ride. I ran up and surprised them both before we walked up to the school splitting away from one of them since she had a different 1st period. As we walked the halls I couldn't help but notice a number of people which freaked me out last year my whole grade was 30 people or so. I knew everyone I know no one this year aside from the people from last year. I saw that another one of my friends was in our homeroom and for the first week, we sat wherever we want. We all sat together talking during most of the class doing the work which was really easy for me being pre-ap ELA which I struggle with at times. That class went by rather fast and after it, I went to algebra. I got there and wasn't surprised to see no one I knew I looked and saw where I was meant to sit went there and sat down before I grabbed my notebook from my bag. I began to draw while I waited for the teacher and when she came in I put it away. She gave us our notes and began teaching I sat at a table with a girl whose name I never asked for I learned this class would be affecting me in high school and I would be skipping 7th and 8th-grade math to do it. At the end of the period, I walked to the cafeteria and saw my friends and walked over to them keeping my head down. I got to them and immediately sat down and began to listen to the conversation adding things in every once in awhile. When that was over I made my way to engineering my 3rd period and 1st elective then after that class which flew by graphic design my last class of the day. Graphic Design also flew by so after that I went right to the front of the school with my friends and said bye while I made my way home. As I left the school I saw a short Mexican biking I thought he was kinda cute but immediately forced myself to ignore that thought since he was probably straight. When I got home I unlocked the door and tried going to my room. When I got to the stairs I heard my father yelling "little fag why did you just pass me like I wasn't here you know you need to respect me I raised you I give you food I give you a roof to live under I give you clothes I bought you that phone and those earbuds I give you all the shit you have" before I felt a sting on my cheek and then the yelling persisted "be glad I didn't kick your gay ass out". After that sentence, he began punching me in the stomach and kicking me. He kicked me in the stomach five times before punching me in the stomach five times. This persisted till I passed out. I woke up sometime later and made my way upstairs to look at the damage that had been done. I lifted my shirt to see bruises littering my chest and a few reopened cuts. I just sighed and grabbed my blade I hid under the sink and cut my stomach 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8, not enough pain I slipped off my jeans and began cutting my thighs 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...11..12...13...14...15 still it didn't hurt enough so I took off my flannel and began to cut my wrists 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...11...12...13...14...15...16...17...18...19...20 that's enough for today. I grabbed the bandages I kept in my bag I brought to the bathroom with me and began bandaging my thighs stomach and wrists. I then threw back on my jeans and flannel and made my way to my room. I threw on my headphones once again and listened to music while I began my algebra homework yea I got homework on the first day it sucks. Tomorrow I have my other 4 classes and boy am I dreading it. I finished my homework and got my laptop out and messaged Gabe and Justin two of my best friends who I met online.

K: You guys there

J: Yeah 

G: Yep

K: Cool I just finished my algebra homework its the first day of school and we have homework what the fuck

J: IKR

G: That sucks

K: Wanna skype

J: Sure

G: Maybe in a bit, I can't right now my family is here and over-protective

K: K Justin call me

J: K

INCOMING SKYPE VIDEO CALL FROM JUSTIN

I answered the call and we began to talk about our days and how they went about 2 hours after the call started Gabe joined and we talked about everything. They were the only people along with my family who knew about my homosexuality along with all my other friends who I met online I told them about the short Mexican I saw and they said I should have gone up to him. I then just reminded them I am way too scared to do that I mean seriously have you met me talking to new people scares me since the last people I talked to treat me like shit but I am too afraid to stand up to them aka my friends. I checked the time and saw it was midnight for me making it 10 for Justin and 1 for Gabe so I said goodbye and hung up. That night when I was going to sleep all I could think about was that short Mexican.