Split

Separation

It took me awhile to get used to life as a ghost. I mean, it has its perks; the ability to hover and float through walls is pretty cool when you think about it. Other things are hard to get used to, like not actually having a voice and the inability to sit still (due to the constant floating.) I remember my first day as a specter was pretty special. After I got over the shock of being murdered I was able to do fun things like check up on my wife and kid, perform my first haunting, and visit the local museum (for free!). I don't think I've had a more exciting day since the beginning of my supernatural life.

Everything was normal when I woke up early that morning to go to work. My darling wife Mattie was sound asleep next to me, and from the sound of it my son, Jackson, was in his room, scattering whatever toys had been put away the night before. After brushing my teeth and chowing down on some microwave bacon, I stepped into the cluttered nursery, (and, to my dismay, on a rogue Lego). I planted a kiss on his head before leaving for the office.

My job was not a fun one, though I was good at it. It's tricky work, advertising for a toilet paper company. (Apparently slogans such as "Oh Sheet!" and "Live, Laugh, Poop." are not acceptable for a professional business.) There was one person, however, who made my work almost unbearable: Harry Grayson. Being company president was great for me, but my assistant Harry couldn't stand the idea that he had to take orders from the likes of me. It was too bad for him though, because I was the boss. And I liked being the boss.

That morning in particular was bad for Harry, he walked into the office looking like he was ready to kill somebody just for the heck of it. There were coffee stains on his shirt, dark circles under his eyes, and his thick black hair reminded me of the dead squirrel I saw on the road the day before.

"How ya doin' Harry?" I asked in the most cheerful voice I could muster.

"Great,Theodore... So great..." he mumbled in reply. I noticed that he was carrying a Walmart bag in one hand.

"Whatcha got in the bag, buddy?" I poked him in the side. He glared back.

"A little something for a friend of mine. Now can you shut up and back off?" I put my hands in the air and took a few steps back.

"Hey man, I'm just askin'. Also, when you get a minute would you be able to bring me some coffee? Black, like always." Harry scowled in reply. I chuckled. "Thanks man, you're the best." Grinning, I strode into my office. The day was only goin' my way.

About fifteen minutes later, Harry sulked into my office holding a particularly steamy cup of coffee. He plunked it down on my desk and I peeked over the rim.

"Dang it Harry, I said I wanted black," I said, staring into the swirling creamy liquid. Turning around, Harry gave me a smirk.

"We don't always get what we want, do we Theo?" I scoffed at the reference to his position and took a swig of my coffee. Three big gulps. Immediately after drinking I started coughing. I coughed and coughed and eventually blood started speckling the desk and papers in front of me. Soon the speckles turned to spots, and the spots to soaking puddles. My entire body felt like it had fire coursing through its veins. I fell to the ground, writhing in agony. There was blood coming from every part of my head; my nose, eyes, mouth, and even ears. I looked into the coffee cup that had been in my hand only moments earlier. Stuck to the bottom was a big, nasty gob of black junk. My eyes went wide as the realization of what had just happened dawned on me. Then everything went black. The nasty taste of that poisoned coffee was the last part of my mortal life that I remember.

The first thing that I noticed when I woke up was that everything looked a little bit gray. The second was that I wasn't touching the floor. Slowly I rotated in the air and looked around. My disgusting coffee mug was still broken on the floor with my bloody body sprawled beside it. Blood was spattered everywhere from all the coughing I had done earlier. I looked at myself closely and leaned in towards my own face to get a better view. My face was saggy and sort of lopsided, and my eyes were skewed and pointed different directions. I looked like I had been run over by a truck. Sticking my finger out, I went to close my eyelids but my finger passed through my own head! I was shocked, but tried again. This time I focused more and was able to feel some resistance while my finger passed through again. The third time I tried I directed all my mental attention to poking the eyelid of the corpse in front of me, and I succeeded! But instead of falling shut, the face did the exact opposite of what I had planned: it snapped to life.

Falling back in complete panic, I screamed at the top of my lungs, (and found that a voice is not one of the blessings that comes with being a phantom.) The animated corpse in front of me was unable to hear but could obviously see me. It reared up onto its legs and came tumbling after me, grabbing at thin air. I shrieked and dove out of the way, him hobbling after me again. This went on for quite awhile until the zombie me got tired and plopped down onto the floor. He then proceeded to pull a shoe off of his own foot and gnaw on it, looking up at me expectantly.

"What do you want from me, eh?" I said to him. He tilted his head and swallowed the bit of sneaker he was working on. "I guess we are going to have to figure this out together," I remarked. "First of all, we need to figure out what the heck is going on. Obviously we are the same person in different forms, wouldn't you agree?" In response, zombie me sucked a bit of shoelace into his mouth and sighed. "Okay... maybe we aren't actually the same. What am I... I'm Theodore Jack Harness, newborn specter. You're zombie me minus the brains. I think you need a name." Suddenly zombie me regained his energy and, jumping up, decided to bolt. Not at anything of course, just straight at the wall. He did so and came crashing down to the floor. "I'll call you Jack." I smiled. In his own disgusting way, Jack was sort of cute. I knew from then on that Jack and I would be on this adventure together.