I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay (Frerard)

[Chapter 7]

I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay

GERARD.

I was nervous about going to school this morning. It had been a while since I last smoked a fag but now that more of the stress and anxiety was building up, I wanted to relieve myself, but I didn't have any cigarettes in the box left over.

Maybe Brendon would be able to help me out on that one? I guess I'll just ask him once I get to school.

I thought about it for a little longer and decided to check my bag's smaller sections for what I wanted, I probably held one there for emergencies, right? I slid my bag around so it was in front of me and I opened a littler zip and saw a half crushed ten pack, excitement running through me.

Checking whether I was in luck with my hunt, I noticed it was just chips and I sighed sadly but kept searching through my bag, happily coming out with the papers, filters and a lighter and grinning with glee at my wonderful discoveries.

I took one of the papers out of the blue rizzla packet and placed a filter at one end of the paper and started to disperse the tobacco along the fold and grinned once I was satisfied with it. I folded it up and rolled it so it wasn't loose and licked along the sticky strip.

My hands fumbled with the lighter with the roll up perched between my lips, the familiarity of the whole smoking thing taking a toll on me, calming my already frayed nerves. I hadn't even lit my roll up yet and I was already overwhelmed with the feeling of pure calm.

Flicking against the wheel hoping for a spark, I failed the first, second, third time. I done numerous attempts and stood still behind the block of flats, just trying to get a spark to work. It wasn't having it.

Piece of shit.

I continued trying until my thumb black and achy before throwing the crappy orange lighter onto the floor in anger, taking the roll up away from my mouth whilst looking in my bag for another one or at least a match but came up empty.

As I looked around, waiting for an idea to come across my nicotine deprived brain, I saw three girls walking across the grass near me, the tallest girl with a cigarette lit up and inhaling it happily whilst the other two girls continued their conversation.

Was I going to man up and talk to these girls and ask for her lighter?

I most definitely was. Now that I had geared myself up for this and really got excited, I was willing to walk up to this girl that might be slightly taller than me or at least my height, and ask to use her lighter. Yeah. I can do this.

Taking larger steps, I caught up with them, "Uh, excuse me? May I borrow your lighter? Mine is a piece of crap over there on the floor." I gave a nervous grin and pointed to the abandoned lighter that stood out against the green grass, all three of them looking back.

The girl looked back at me an smiled, taking her own fag out of her mouth and running it against the wall to destroy the burn and save the other bit for later, "Here." She smiled again as she pulled a mini lighter from the inside pocket of her blazer, the other two girls walking ahead without a second glance at me.

Smiling gratefully at her as I took the lighter and put the roll up back and lit it after two tries and let out a sigh of relief as I inhaled the smoke and held it down for a few seconds, appreciating the burn. I turned to the girl and half smiled, "Thank you so much. You're the best."

I went to walk on, now that she had done me the favour didn't she expect me to just leave? But no, she sped up to match the speed I was walking at, "I'm Cassie. You're that Gerard kid, right? The guy who dated Tom?"

Cassie held her hand out as I pulled the roll up away from my mouth and I handed it to her for her to take a drag. I couldn't say no, without her I wouldn't have even been able to have one drag, "Is that how everyone seems to know me? Through that dickhead?"