The Beat of a Heart.

eleven

           

So I'm going to warn you ahead of time that I'm pretty sure you're all going to hate me after this chapter but this was always the way it was going to go I just had to figure out how to get there. It's super short and there is a lot of bits 'missing' from the chapter but it is like that one purpose and I promise it'll all make sense later on; I really hope you like it regardless.

It's crazy how quickly everything changes; one moment life is perfect and the next your whole world comes crashing down around you. All it takes is one second, one heartbreak, one lack of a heartbeat.

It was a little after 8am when Demi woke to find Tobias cold, pale and lifeless in his co-sleep. It was a little after 8:20am when their little boy was pronounced dead and their entire world collapsed.

'D-Don't touch me.' Demi cries as Nick attempts to pull her to her feet.

'Dems, please just come sit with me?' He says softly as he stares down at where she's sitting on the floor with her back against the wall, her knees pulled up to her chest as she clutches Tobias's little blue blanket in her hands.

'I-It's all my fault.' She mumbles.

'Don't say that. Please, don't say that. All you ever done is love Toby; none of this is your fault.' He says and she shakes her head.

'I didn't have prenatal check ups. I didn't take prenatal vitamins. I worked myself so hard, too hard for someone who was pregnant.' She replies.

'You didn't know, Demi. If we had known that you were pregnant we would've done things so differently, wouldn't we? He was born healthy regardless of whether we knew or not; this wasn't your fault.' He says.

'I want to see him.' She whispers.

'Okay. I'll see if we can go in and see him?' He says and she shakes her head.

'I want to go on my own.' She replies.

'Okay. I'll go see if you can go in and see him.' He says.

_______

'C-Can I pick him up?' Demi asks glancing at the nurse who nods her head.

'Of course you can; I'll give you some time on your own with him. I'll be right outside.' The nurse replies. She leaves the room and Demi carefully lifts Tobias into her arms.

'Hi, baby boy... You just look like you're sleeping, don't you? Mommy loves you so much, Toby. You have made my life so much better in these short few weeks that I've got to know you and I just don't think I can live without you. I had so much I wanted to do with you; we were going to have the most amazing Christmas this year and then we were all going to go to Disneyland and introduce you to Mickey.' Demi says, tears streaming down her cheeks as she stares down at the baby.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

'C-Can I come in?' Dr Karev asks peeking his head around the door. Demi nods her head and Dr Karev makes his way into the room followed by Nick who sits down next to Demi.

'I want to start by saying I am so sorry for your loss. Having examined Tobias-' Dr Karev begins and Demi shakes her head.

'T-Toby, please call him Toby.' Demi says and Dr Karev nods his head.

'Having examined Toby I can't find any sign of anything that could've caused this so now we move on to a post-mortem which will hopefully give us proper answers but at the moment we are most likely looking at a case of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I want you both to know that this wasn't your fault; if this is a case of SIDS there was nothing you could do to prevent it.' Dr Karev says and Demi sighs as she continues to cradle Tobias against her chest.

'When will the post-mortem happen?' Nick asks.

'I'd like it to happen as soon as possible but I also want you both to be ready for it so for now I want both of you to spend as long as you need with Toby. If you have any questions at all just ask a nurse to get me.' Dr Karev says and Demi takes a deep breath.

'W-When we leave can his blanket be kept with him? I-I want him to feel cosy and at home.' Demi asks and Dr Karev nods his head.

'Of course. I know this is a hard situation but I want to make this as easy for both of you so anything you need just ask.' Dr Karev replies. Nick nods his head as he watches the doctor leave the room before he rests his head on Demi's shoulder.

'He looks like he's sleeping.' Nick says softly and Demi nods her head.

'He looks perfect.' Demi whispers; tears stream down both their cheeks as they stare down at their baby, their world. Everything can change in a heartbeat.