Love Joy

LARRY

I got up from the ground, still trying to catch my breath. 

"I bet you thought you would never see me again, didn't you?" 

I wiped my face, trying to get it together, and build enough courage to look Damien in the eye. "When did you get out?" I asked him. 

"About an hour ago." he replied. Damien did about two months in the county on a drug charge. He was released due to a lack of evidence. He was never caught for murdering my friend, although the thought often crossed my mine to rat him out. 

"Come on. Get in the car, I'll take you home." 

"No thanks. I have other things to do, Damien." 

"Oh really? Like what, Love? You got a new daddy? Who you working for?" 

"I'm not out here like that anymore. I'm trying to get my life together." 

He laughed, "You serious?" 

"Yes. Now if you excuse me, I have shit to do." Fixing my shirt, I gently slid pass him and continued on my way. Damien got in his car and sped off. I ran into the nearest store just to be around people. I was scared to death. I literally thought he was going to kill me. I stayed in there for about 20 minutes before I decided it should be safe. I zipped my jacket up and proceeded on my mission which was to make it to the bus station and catch a Greyhound to Las Vegas. I was ready to be somebody, change my life and leave my past behind. Speaking of past, let me give you a little history on how we got to this point. I hope you are ready. This is when it gets deep.

Every Friday night was the same thing, just a different nigga. My mom, Rose Joy, was born and raised here in Detroit, MI. At one time in her life she was beautiful. She had me at 16, dropped out of high school, got a full time job, and worked hard to make enough money to get us an apartment and a small car. My dad was killed in a drive by shooting when I was 3. I heard he was heavy in the game and a lot older then my mother. His name was David Matthews. I heard all kinds of stories about him from friends and family members, and none were good. For the most part, he was a menace to society. Maybe that's where I get my temper from. Anyway, this particular Friday made me hate my mother. She was drinking and dancing with her "new boyfriend " LARRY. I was in the kitchen watching from the table. I use to love the way that woman danced. She was so beautiful and vibrant to me. About an hour passed, and she was all danced out, and Larry was still kicking. I can remember thinking damn this guy can drink, and he has no rhythm. My mother made her way to the couch, took her shoes off, laid back, and was knocked out asleep. I went to her room to grab her a pillow and a cover. When I turned around, Larry was standing in the door of the room. I was only 10, but I immediately knew something wasn't right about this. He walked into the room, closing the door behind him. He said "You wanna play a game?" I just stood there. He came closer to me, and placed his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it reassuringly, possessively. My body was trembling. My heart was racing a hundred miles per hour. "Don't be scared. I promise I won't hurt you." He leaned in and kissed me. The smell of liquor and cigarettes on his breath made me wanna throw up in my own mouth. His hand that was still on my shoulder ran down my arm to my hand. I tried to squirm away from him, but he held me. Unbuckling his pants with his other hand, he placed my hand down his pants. He made me touch his private parts, and I felt like the worst person in the world. I just wanted to leave. Leave the room. Leave the apartment. As tears were beginning to spill from my eyes, he grabbed me by my neck and whispered in my ear as his grip gradually tightened, "if you ever tell anyone, I will kill both your mother and you." Then he threw me on the bed. As he started to rip off my shorts, I tried to scream, so he put his entire hand over my mouth and nose. It made it hard to even take in any air at all, let alone yell for help. I struggled to get away from him and to breath, but struggling only made it harder and I soon felt like I would pass out. He climbed on top of me still holding me down and started to rape me. I thought for sure I would die. The pain was searing and excruciating. I can remember laying there with him on top of me for what was probably a couple of minutes, but to me it felt like eternity. When he was finished, he got up and left. I laid there and cried myself to sleep on sheets that had spots of my innocence on them. 

The next morning I woke up still in pain and feeling horrible. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to believe it was real. As I got to the living room, I could see my mother in the kitchen singing as usual, while cooking breakfast. Everything felt so surreal.

"Hey Love you hungry?" 

"No thanks." 

My mother knew something wasn't right. When she finally turned around and noticed I had tears in my eyes, she came over to the couch. "What's wrong Love? Did you have another bad dream?" 

"No ma'am I replied." 

"What's wrong then?" I was too scared to say anything, but she kept asking 'til finally I gave in. The second I explained what Larry did last night, he walked in the door, my fucking heart dropped. 

"What's going on, Rose?" he demanded.

"Did you put your hands on my daughter last night?" 

"Hell naw. That little bitch lying. What I look like?" 

Turning to me she asked, "Are you lying to me?"

"No momma, I swear. He told me if I say something, he would kill us both."

My mom asked me to leave the room while they talked. I heard them both yelling, then I heard her room door slam. After what felt like forever, I came out my room, and went to her bedroom door to make sure she was okay. I heard her moaning. peering through the crack in the door, I could see that they were fucking. This sick bastard was heartless, my mother was even worse for believing a fucking drunken pedophile over me.  Moments later when they came out, neither one of them paid me any attention. They just carried on as if nothing even happened. 

Larry moved in a couple months after that, and that is when things got worse. Larry was a drug dealer. It wasn't long before the crackheads were in and out of our apartment regularly. My mom was so fucking high, she didn't know if she was coming or going. She rarely left her room anymore. Her looks were deteriorating. Every chance Larry got, he was in my room. It got to a point I wasn't even there anymore mentally. I would just close my eyes and leave my body mentally until he was finished and gone. Many times I would think about how I could murder him while he was living out his sick fantasies on top of a little girl. Larry fucked my mom's life up and really fucked up mine. It changed my way of thinking. I stayed getting into fights and getting in trouble at school.  It got to the point my mom just got tired of having to deal with it. I dropped out of school at 16 and that following summer she decided to ship me to my grandmothers.

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