Elixir

V

The first time mother hit me was when I was twelve. The memory is faint now, but the feelings I'd felt weren't. It wasn't fear or confusion or anger that coursed through my little veins; it was disappointment. She'd always been a violent person, my mother. Just never towards me. She would scream and shout and throw things, but never did she lay a hand on me. I couldn't remember what her reasoning was for punching me hard enough to be rendered unconscious, but I knew it was ilegitimate.

The disappointment flooded in as soon as I woke up. It was the same heavy feeling that ran through me when the faint beeping wiggled it's way into my ears. Had I been able to, I would've cried a river. I failed. I'm still alive.

Following the disappointment was a bout of fiery anger. How could I have failed? Was I so pathetic I couldn't even die? I wasn't able to end my own life, how could I face my mother after this? She would kill me, for sure. There was no doubt about it. She would beat me, tear off my skin, inch by inch, she would ruin every last sliver of hope that had ever run through me.

The steady beeping began to race. My heart running just as fast as my thoughts, moments later it fades into nothingness as I was waved into the folds of unconsciousness once more.