Forgotten(PruCan)

VII

It's been a month since that wonderful night and I'm not sure why my demons are still here. He's great and he likes me. He thinks I'm great. He says I'm perfect when I feel much less than that. He deserves so much better than me.
I'm scarred.
I'm scarred he'll realize how perfect he is and that he will see all my imperfections. I want to be enough fo him.
"Are you alright, Birdie?" He asked looking at me with concern.
"I'm fine," I said, "I just didn't sleep well last night." It wasn't a complete lie. I didn't sleep well but that's not the problem. I was worrying too much, logic told me that, but I still couldn't help it.
"Lunch hour isn't even halfway over," he said stroking my hair, "so if you want you can take a nap and I'll wake you up when it's time for class."
"Thank you, babe," I said leaning into his touch. I put my head in his lap. He continued to pet my head and hold my hand as I lulled off to dreamless sleep.

I was woken to the sounds of Gil calling my name.
"Come on, Matty, time for class," he cooed. I grumbled nuzzling into him, not wanting to return to reality just quite yet. He giggled at my efforts to stay asleep. I turned over and looked at him giving me a loving stare.
"What?" I questioned.
"Nothing." He said as he kissed my nose. "Just I have the most beautiful, most cutest, most adorable boyfriend in the history of ever." I gave a small laugh and looked into his eyes.
"I'm pretty sure that's not correct grammar."
"It's true though," he shrugged and kissed my lips gently. I sat up and gathered my things, knowing if we didn't leave now we would be late for class.

School had ended and he began to walk me home. We parted ways and I kissed him on the cheek before waving goodbye and entering my house.
Alfred had some friends over and didn't notice me when I came in. I walked upstairs to my room and shut the door. I plopped down on the bed and realized I was crying. Why was I crying? Everything's great. He likes me.
Does he?
Yes he does. He cares about me and how I feel.
I don't deserve him, though. This much is true. He's so great you'd have to be fucking fantastic to deserve a guy like his. I don't deserve him.
Will he leave?
He won't.
But...
What if he does?
STOP IT!
He likes me and he cares about me and he wouldn't hurt me.
I didn't realize it but I was pacing now. I was crying harder. I was pulling my hair.
I needed to stop.
But I couldn't.
This was leading somewhere dark and I promised him I wouldn't go their.
I'm not going to get out of this on my own. I can tell, at least, that much.
I should text him. He could help me.
I don't want to bother him with my problems.
My thumbs moved without command and sent a single message to him.
"Gil."
Just his name.
I instantly regretted it and threw my phone to the wall.
He doesn't need to worry about me.
Why did I text him!?
I reached for the drawer I hadn't touched in a month and from it pulled a kitchen knife laced with dry blood. I pressed it to my wrist.
I dropped the knife at the realization of what I was doing. I cried out to no one and crumpled to the floor in a ball. I pulled my hair and weeped.
I heard my door open and I saw him rush to me. He gathered me in his arms and took my hands from my hair. His arms took me from my darkness and protected me from all other evils.
"I almost... I almost hurt myself again," I stammered between sobs.
"But you didn't," He said stroking my hair, "you didn't and I'm so proud of you for that. You're so strong, Birdie." He was crying too and his tears landed on my cheek, adding to my own. He sat me up and look into my eyes, both of us with tears in our eyes.
"I love you," he stated plainly, " I love you and I don't know what I'd do without you. I might be saying this too soon but you need to know that I love you."
He loves me?
My lips acted without instruction and planted a soft kiss on his.
"You don't have to say it back, I just wanted you to know tha-"
I cut him off with my finger to his lips.
"I love you, too, you perfect idiot."