Optical [h.s fanfiction]

Chapter 16: Sight

My feet restlessly kicked the sheets off of my body. I shifted the side I was currently sleeping on for what seemed like the millionth time tonight. My eyes drifted to the clock on my bedside table, 4:32 AM.

"Jesus Christ" I muttered under my breath.

Jealousy surged through me as I saw Jordan soundly asleep. If only my mind would let me sleep right now. My thoughts drifted to what Drew had said yesterday I couldn't understand his persistent want to ruin my life. I don't think I ever would. These 3 men I've only had in my life for a short time have changed everything completely. This is fucking college, I'm suppose to be stressed out over essays and projects not a blackmailing psychopath.

I swung my legs over the edge of my bed and blankly stared at the wall in front of me. Maybe I deserved all of this. I mean I lied to harry, telling him I was dating Jared. Am I leading Jared on? It was as if I've become this person that I was always afraid of becoming. Becoming someone like my father. A liar. A cheat.

The thoughts in my head triggered my thoughts to race. Old memories of my home life came rushing back when I tried so hard to repress them. I needed air.

Jumping from the bed to my dresser I decided to remove my T-shirt and replaced it with a sports bra to keep the ladies in place. The leggings I already had on were thick which was fit for the weather outside. Lastly, I put on my nikes and a jacket to complete my ensemble. It seemed as if it had been for ever since I had ran. Frankly, my body and mind needed it.

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Running had always been a safe haven for me. It represented freedom, a way to escape. However, once you run from point A to point B you have to make your way back around again. You have to go back to what you were once trying to escape. So, the small moment of me running from what I wasn't able to face gave me hope.

My lungs felt as if they were going to burst. My throat was aching from the repetitive action of inhaling and exhaling. I didn't know where I was running, there was no exact path which is what I enjoyed. I slowed down my pace until I came to a complete stop, resting my hands on my knees to catch my breath. My head slowly raised to look at my surroundings. At this very moment it was as everything I was worried about had been obliterated. Gone into thin air.

The sight in front of me had given me a sort of comfort. A tree. A large tree I had spotted weeks ago with a curly headed boy that stood under it. That was the moment that changed everything. This time there was no boy with untamed locks standing under a tree, instead it was only the tree all alone with nothing around it. It was almost ridiculous how I was relating to this tree. Alone.

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I made my way back to the dorm two hours and two meltdowns later. After I saw that tree I sat under it for what seemed like hours and just cried. How pathetic.

Jordan was still cuddled up to her comforter and sound asleep. She looked so at peace. A smile spread across my face as I realized how lucky I was to have her as a friend. I was able to tell her anything even if I chose not to. It was still nice to have that option of being able to bear your soul to someone.

The clock in front of me read 7 AM. I'm up at 7 AM on a Saturday. Since I wasn't able to go back to sleep and I was uncomfortably sweaty, I decided to take a shower. The shower was always a good place to think. Maybe it was the constant feeling of the water hitting your back or the fact that a shower was like pressing the refresh button, a new start.

After ridding myself of unwanted dirt I came to the conclusion that today was the day that I needed to confront people. I needed to get my life together and focus on myself, better myself. First, I would talk to Niall and get updates on his project. Next, I would talk to Jared. I would tell him the truth. What was the truth exactly?