say something |changki/kikyun|

•13•

Somehow, I'd like to believe Kihyun is my person. The one slowly scrubbing the dust off my windows. Somehow, I'd also like to believe I am the person to clean his, without breaking them. And somehow, strangely, having someone so close to the way I look onto the world made my heart race in every possible way.

Not that it would have been something extraordinary anymore, something out of the norm. Especially since Kihyun's lips had touched mine, my heart felt like it was going to explode every second. Maybe it had already. There were pictures, fragrances and sounds all around me, and still it was like I was looking through a tunnel onto the boy in front of me instead of anything else.

In all honesty, I didn't know how we had ended up on his bed. That alone sounded so different from what was actually happening, but solely the fact Kihyun's fingertips were touching my temple as he put a strand of hair behind my ear was too much for me to comprehend. Everything was happening so quick while being in slow motion, and in my mind I was still asking myself whether I was dreaming or not. But if I was because I had forgotten to put an alarm, Wonho's kicks would've surely woken me up.

So this was reality. My lips felt numb and tingling at the same time and I couldn't help but smile, the corners of my lips curling upwards.

I like looking at you, Kihyun signed, his hands leaving my face to form the words. We were lying on the blanket, facing each other, our knees slightly touching. After having doubted for so long that these touches meant the same for him as they did for me, I couldn't get enough reassurance they did.

I felt myself blush. I knew what it was like to fall in love with someone now that I'd met him, but only thinking about the possibility of him feeling exactly the same when looking at me made the palms of my hands sweaty and my head spin. Although I had managed to get lost of most of my self-consciousness during the last few years, having someone being attracted to me was a whole new wave crashing over me.

"I really meant what I said earlier", I responded, not knowing what else to say as an answer. Having rushed through my confession in fear of not getting the words out fast enough, I felt like I needed to assure him once more. The smile that spread on his face made me laugh a little; every part of my brain was still filled with an overdose of serotonin and dopamine. I could get used to that. "I was in a rush to say it because I was ... I was afraid you'd interrupt me to tell me I was wrong and completely destroying everything."

Kihyun took his time to look at me, biting down on his lip and thinking about my words. It made me want to kiss him again. I was too shy to really iniciate anything more than what I had said in the bathroom that day, even though I knew you wouldn't understand ... His fingers tried their best to sign while being restricted by the little space between our bodies. I tried to tell you, I really did, especially after Wonho asked us for advice and we talked about the whole being bold thing. But then everything else happened and I thought maybe you've done all of this just because you're nice to everyone and not because you like me.

"I like you. A lot", I whispered. "More than anyone else."

Speaking about my feelings like this was still strange and exciting, yet every smile on Kihyun's face made me gain confidence. I felt like a giant weight had fallen of my shoulders; all the fear I had felt during the last few days that things wouldn't go back to how they had been had vanished. Actually, things would never go back to how they had been, but other than I had expected, in a positive way.

I wanted to say so much to Kihyun and yet I felt like I was mute. Even my fingers weren't under my control anymore. All the studying, all the nights and days spent over my sign language book proved themselves to be useless whenever Kihyun was looking at me like this. This ... this glance that reminded me so much of the way I was looking at him. There was no way on earth I was able to sign something when he was looking at me like this.