BTS ANGST

001 | jjk

His hands wrap around onto her waist, his lips marking hers with the same lips he kissed me with. His chest is pressed against hers, the same place I laid my head against too, to hear the mellifluous sound of his heart beat. The heart beat that picked up, every time we touched.

But now, your being touched by someone else. I don't know who she is, but it feels like I do, it feels like I should do.

Is this why you weren't home with me everyday? Or am I overthinking. Should I be overthinking? When you see your beloved lover, making love to someone else, is it okay to overthink? To judge too quickly? To hurt too quickly?

This brings back moments of us—of me, of you and me, always overthinking.

I remember the days were it was just you and I. We were like kids in adults bodies. Our love was like two teenagers who had just madly fallen in love and wanted to do anything and everything, with each other.

If you loved me, I would love you too. If I broke my leg, you'd help me walk. If you lost your memory, I'd be your montage. If you were in pain, I'd be your reliever. If I was angry, you would sing me too happiness. If you cheated on me, I'd battle the love I have for you and leave you. If I cheated on you, you would leave me without thinking twice.

And that's exactly what you did, only I didn't cheat, you did.

Which now vaguely makes more sense. I now understand why you came home so late. It wasn't because of work, although I understood perfectly that your job was tough, but more of it was from fleeing from me.

In a way where you had another person when you didn't want me. How was I so stupid? How could I have been so oblivious?

So oblivious to the answer, that distanced ourselves from eachother. I thought we were actually going to start that business we always wanted to begin, get married and build a family. A family that signified love and equality.

But too bad you cheated.

Yet you knew, how much I loved you. How much I still love you, yet seemingly, you repay me like this. Denting the image of our family I always wanted, breaking my heart and stabbing me in the back all while, looking dead straight at me.

Crucial. It's a shame. A shame that I wasn't good enough for you.

• • •

Days passed painfully slow, and coincidentally there was no sign of Jungkook. It seemed rather clear he didn't want to see me. Perhaps he knew, that I knew, that he was cheating?

And all along these days, his presence was never found. I waited and waited, but there was no call, no text, no don't worry about me sweetheart, I'm running a bit late from work, or, if you go to sleep, who's going to kiss me goodnight?

What really happened to us? It's like all of our memories were apart of my dream and I've only now woken up into reality. One in which I don't belong in.

I frustratedly washed my dishes, still hoping for him to come home. His home, our home.

It was bothering me how he didn't contact me once—I knew I had seemingly grew hatred for the guy, but my heart still aches knowing I don't know where he could be right this moment.