Hi,
It's that time of month again(no I don't mean your period...) it's time for another awesome letter from yours truly! :)
So I should start off by saying you finally bought your dance ticket, dress, and mask(it's a masquerade theme) you just need the shoes(I might try to put a picture on here if I can). It should be a fun time.
I have also come to terms with the fact I am very dirty minded, speaking of which, I still talk to GarGar(Garrett) all the time! We have told each other a lot and have had some really great(normal) conversations that sometimes turn dirty ;) but he is really cool and is a great person to help you clear your mind of your problems.
On a different note, school isn't going bad, almost done with the year, but my English grade needs dramatic improvement, the only thing I can say is, when "Macbeth" actually helps you in life let me know!
We went to church as a family for Easter, well mom and dad got to stay for the sermon, Brooke and I took Harmony and Adam to the car because they wouldn't sit still, but when the pastor spoke to us I really liked him, and the music wasn't bad I even know Travis, one of the singer's.
The only problem I have is an internal conflict, I know I am committing sin(reading naughty books and talking to GarGar) but I don't know if I want to change, I want to be saved and go to heaven, but I get too much pleasure out of what I'm doing now! I'm 16 years old, I probably shouldn't know about some stuff like BDSM and other sexual acts, but I find myself somewhat drawn to it, I even want to be somewhat of a dominatrix, but my mind is split between right and wrong. It is very confusing, I want to do what's right but I also want to do what I want. When I talk to mom about GarGar, she says she understands and that it's a part of me that needs that kind of contact(at least that's how I took our convo) and with dad he still loves me but he also said talking to Garrett is wrong [at least how we talk (dirty)]. I don't want to feel conflicted but I also want to feel alive and have some fun! Maybe I'm just over thinking things, time will tell.
Anyway I think that's all I have for now!
~Awesome Ash
»Take time out of your day to take a walk and clear your mind«
»Then donate your old clothes«
¥ Helping someone and taking time for yourself will make you feel like a better person¥
YOU ARE READING
Letters To My Future Self ~ Awesome Ash
RandomATTENTION: This is not meant for entertainment! This was not created to be read by others this is just a way for me to write my personal journal for my future self to read and reflect. I can't tell you not to read it but I can tell you there is no...
