joshy
i laughed with my friends as they made homophobic slurs at a pair of kissing boys on the television screen in front of us. i always laughed when my friends did things like this because i was scared of what would happen if i didn't. i grew up in a very religious household and my mother always pushed that being gay was wrong onto me and my brothers and, naturally, all three of us picked up the same views. lately, i've been having very weird thoughts about the boy in my science class. i sat in the back of the room and thought about how his brunette hair was or how adorable his nervous laugh was when he had to talk in front of the class, i hated it. i wasn't gay or anything but he just caught my eye in no way a boy has. i was hooked on him and i don't know if i can ever get enough without breaking barriers.
