BURNS » Niam ✔

6 - We Can Do Better

When Liam came home, Niall was in the kitchen rinsing off freshly cooked macaroni noodles in a strainer.

"Hey." He said and he tossed his keys into the tray. But when Niall glanced back at him, he noticed the look on his face. "Are you alright?"

"Um... Yeah."

Liam knew Niall all too well and everything was telling him not to believe him. So he sat his bag down on the table and leaned against the counter. "Did you get the milk like you said you would?"

He shook his head and answered quietly. "No."

"Did you go out at all?"

"Yeah."

"So you just forgot then."

"Yeah."

"Oh." Liam didn't understand the one word answers and what being on the receiving end of them meant. But it made him nervous. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

Niall poured the noodles into a bowl and poured cheddar cheese in the bowl as well as milk and butter. He began to stir. "I'm fine."

"You're saying that but you don't look it. In fact, you're worrying me."

He walked around to meet Niall. When he reached him, he gently took the spoon from his hand. "Babe, I'm not stupid. I know when something is wrong with you. Did something happen today?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

Just maybe? That really stumped him and even started to annoy him. But he still wanted to be as patient as he could be with him. "Every time I hear you say that word, it just reminds me that this style of communication we have is not working for us. We can do better because we have before. I think we should take baby steps and practice being more open with each other."

However, when Niall didn't say anything, he sighed. It was apparent that he wasn't going to get any more than he was getting at the time. So it was no use to ask any more questions.

"Fine. I'll take the hint and leave you alone. But whatever is troubling you, feel free to talk to me about it. I'll be here when you feel ready."

He pushed the spoon down in the bowl and turned away to get his bag.

"Liam." A frantic voice finally called.

By the time he turned around, Niall was already going for a hug and squeezing him tightly. Liam was surprised but still relaxed and let his arms fall down around him. "It's okay. I promise."

"I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind."

"I can see that."

"Can we talk?"

"Now?"

He shook his head quickly. "No. Not now. I'm not ready now. I just mean when I'm ready. Like in a few days."

"Of course. You don't have to ask. Talking is good for us. But it's not to break up with me or anything, is it?"

"No. It's something else. Something I want you to know."

"Then yeah, whenever you're ready, I'm ready."

"Okay."

He kissed Niall's cheek lovingly, then poked it in an effort to make Niall laugh. He succeeded.

"I love you." Niall told him.

"I love you too."

"But you don't love cold macaroni."

"I don't." Liam agreed and he let him go. Right away, when he went back to stirring the macaroni and cheese, Liam noticed the difference. Niall looked so much more calmer. He just needed to be held. And all Liam wanted was for him to want him to hold him more. He knew it was good for him. Just like he always knew what was good for him.

➡➡➡

"So... How was it?" Sammie asked as they sat down for lunch at the coffee shop.

"The visit?"

"Yeah. How was it?"

"It was... It was weird actually."

"Did you tell Liam you went?"

"No. Not yet. But I will."

She looked at him suspiciously and he chuckled. "I'm serious. I will. Yesterday, I told him I wanted to talk in a few days. So he's expecting it."

She clapped quietly. "I'm so excited. This will be the best thing for you two. Honesty, it's going to lift that burden as well."

"I know."

She opened a foil wrapped deli sandwich. "Now back to the visit. Why was it weird?"

Niall peeled back the foil on his own sandwich too. "I expected Greg to still feel guilty about it but he didn't remember a thing. Not even me. He couldn't even remember having a brother."

Her whole demeanor changed. "Oh. I'm so sorry."

"No. Don't be sorry for me. Be sorry for him. When I was there, he thought I was trying to hurt him. He ran and asked for Betty, his caregiver, and told her to tell me to leave."

"Oh no."

"Yeah. She had told me he suffered from delusions and I thought it wouldn't be so bad. But the look on his face, ya know... I could tell he really didn't remember. All he saw was a twenty three year old man walking in his room and accusing him of stuff. He's repressed everything so far back in his mind that he doesn't even believe he ever did anything like that."

"Wow... I don't know what to say exactly, but it's so sad."

"It is. Because he's like a child. He's seven years older than me but if you had been in that room, you'd be shocked at how much care he needs and how closely he has to be watched. If I'm being honest, it kind of breaks my heart."

She nodded and tried to put herself in Niall's shoes. But she really couldn't.' "If my sister was the same way, I wouldn't know what to do with myself."

"And that's exactly how it is now that I've seen him again."

"So... Now what?"

He shrugged and took a bite​ of food so that he was talking with food in his mouth. "I don't know. I'm still thinking about what to do about my brother. But first, I need to talk to Liam and get the truth out there. Once I stop worrying about how he's going to react, I can concentrate on something else for a change."

"But you don't need to worry about what he thinks. That man loves you and he loves you for what's inside."

"Yeah but... The other day he told me he wanted to love what was on the outisde too. It's a sweet thing to say but the outside isn't as pretty as what's on the inside."

She placed her hand over her heart and gasped. She hated when Niall said things like that about himself. "Um excuse me, mister? Have you looked in the mirror lately, at all?"

"Sam."

"I'm not joking. There's no way you could have looked in the mirror or else you wouldn't have said that. The outside is just as good looking as the inside. So stop putting yourself down. Every single time you do it, you're wrong."

"I'm not."

"You are. Just watch. Once you talk to Liam, you'll see for yourself. I promise you."

"Of course you do. You're you." He reached out to grab something but he didn't grasp hold of anything. "Oh no."

"What?"

"I forgot to get coffee. How do I, of all people, forget coffee?"

He jumped up and went behind the counter while she took the first bite of her sandwich. Niall didn't understand how good he had it. How many men would fall in love with another man and stay with him for eight months even when he knew nothing else was happening between them, despite really wanting there to be? Not many. Niall was lucky to have him. Everything leading up to now was proof he didn't ever have a cause for worry.