BURNS » Niam ✔

4 - Bold Black Letters

Liam appeared just as Niall was pulling a sheet of copy paper from the printer. "Hey, Ni. If you still want me to..." When Niall snatched the paper up and held it to his chest, Liam paused and looked at him curiously. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You seem a bit on edge."

"I'm not on edge."

"What's in your hand?"

He looked down at the paper. "Oh, this? This is just something for school. Research purposes... You know. A reference."

"Uh huh... You're sure? Because you seemed pretty rattled when I walked in."

"Liam, you scared me. That's why. You can't just pop up on me and expect me not to be startled. That's not how it works."

He frowned. "Sorry. I just came to ask you if you still need me to go out and get milk, I can run out and get it. It's no problem."

"No. I decided to make something else instead. I'm going shopping tomorrow anyway. I'll just get it then."

"Oh. Okay. I guess that's fine too."

"Yep. Well, I'm off to make dinner now. Go get comfortable. Give me an hour or so for everything to get ready."

Niall scurried out before he could say anything else and that left Liam puzzled. Why was he in such a hurry to get out of there? And just what was really on that sheet of paper? Because something inside his brain was telling him that it was not something for school.

* * *

Niall could sense that Liam didn't believe him and wanted to know what he had printed out. So he folded the paper up and kept it in his pocket while he made dinner.

Later that night, they sat across from each other at the table while they ate. They usually ate everywhere else but here, but tonight, Liam wanted to talk and figured a formal setting would be a better way to do that.

"I'm beginning to worry about you, Niall." He said as he bit a piece of chicken off his skewer.

Niall leaned off his elbow. "Me?"

"No, the other Niall behind you."

He forced a smile to entertain his sarcasm. "Oh. Why?"

"It's just that you don't look engaged. You've been very aloof for the past couple of weeks. Ever since... Well, you know."

"I have?"

Liam sighed, not wanting to relive the third night of rejection in his head. "Listen. Maybe things would be better if you just told me why. Is it me? Are you afraid that it'll physically hurt? Are you afraid that it'll mean a lot more and that you'll be emotionally damaged if I hurt you in the same way? Is it your past? Do you think I have an STD? I need to know. Because I'll go get tested for you if that's the case. If you're afraid to ask for any kind of psychological help, I can help arrange that for you too. Please, babe. Just communicate with me. That's all I'm asking."

Niall froze in place. He didn't expect to be sitting here at dinner and getting questioned like this. His boyfriend was literally begging for answers. This was too much for him. It was making him lightheaded. "Liam. I can't tell you because I'm not even sure myself. I just need time. I need time to think about everything and to think about that."

"How much time?"

"I don't know."

"Well you need to figure it out. I love you, Ni. But I have needs and wants and at times, I'm not sure that you fill them."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I want to make it work. I want this that we have to last. But it's so hard when we're always stopping. It's so hard when I can't touch you the way I want to. It's frustrating as hell."

He nervously rubbed his hands together. "You love what's inside me though, don't you?"

"I do. But I want to love what's outside too. I only ever get to see a small glimpse of that. And it makes me feel like I don't deserve to see more or something. But you want the same thing too, right?"

"The same what?"

"You want to love more than just what's on the inside of me."

"Yeah. I do."

"So then what are we waiting for? Why is it that that part of our lives keeps getting put on hold while the other aspects of our lives keep moving right along with no resistance? Do you really think that's fair? For either of us?"

Niall turned away from him, not wanting to see his face. The look he wore didn't give him much of another option. "No. It's not."

"So then we need to figure it out. We need to figure out what it is we should do about it and fix it. Or else."

After getting that out, Liam was able to breathe and think about what just happened. He finally told Niall what he was feeling but how did he get all of that to come out when it sounded so harsh? Harsh. Oh no. Did Niall think that was too harsh? Were his feelings hurt now? Why didn't​ he think more carefully about letting it all come out at once? He bit the inside of his cheek, wondering what thoughts were now swarming around in his brain. "Babe?"

Niall still wouldn't look at him. "What?"

"You understand why I said what I said, don't you?"

He nodded.

"And I don't mean to hurt you. I'm just trying to make our relationship better. So we both can be happy."

He only nodded again.

When Liam saw that Niall wasn't particularly wanting to talk, he decided he should let him know he could see that and not go any further with the conversation. "If you're not hungry anymore, you can leave the table. I don't mind."

That was exactly what he wanted to hear because instantly, he scooted the chair back, got up and left the room.

"I'll tidy up the kitchen tonight! Don't​ worry about it!" Liam yelled after him. But he wasn't sure if his boyfriend had heard him.

Niall did hear him though and when he got to their bedroom, he threw himself on his side of the bed and bawled into his pillow. It was clear more than ever that Liam was reaching his level of tolerance with this. And by default, he was reaching his level of tolerance with him. Liam wanted more. And Niall knew that if this relationship was to thrive, then he had to give it to him.

However, he started to calm down a little bit when he remembered his plans for tomorrow. The very plans he had discussed with Sammie at the restaurant a couple weeks ago. He reached in his pocket and he took out the folded sheet of paper that he printed out earlier. A word in big bold black letters was printed across the top of it.

Pyromania.