Soft Pillow

Episode 1: Smokes and Mirrors

"Phil, why did you do it?"

Lower L-11, after L-12 was established as a "safer residential area" two years ago, the once awfully peaceful and quiet village and home of around 420 people had been constantly being smoked and gassed by unknown chemicals for an equally questionable reason by the Government - vaguely announced as "To eradicate a dangerous entity wandering around the village." Thus, the village is entirely abandoned, no trees, no grass, nothing green can be seen anywhere, just clouds of translucent gray smokes that fill the whole area in which everyday always seem to look like a foggy midnight, the houses and small buildings (especially the church) are breaking and rotting like the personality of a spoiled child realizing that life is not about getting what she wants. There also seem to be no signs of life here. Except for two... not precisely normal human beings. Please do not ask anyone how these two are still alive.

So far, the story goes as this: a 17-year old young man with disheveled appearance just quietly and peacefully hugging his soft pillow, having his eternal nap in one of the village's broken houses (to be more accurate, the address is 1 Lowes Street), while suddenly a lunatic lady around his age, wearing a Nazi uniform violently shakes his body to end his pleasant dreams.

"Phil, why did you do it?" She slapped his cheeks and smashed his head with a brick until it bled but he just wouldn't wake up.

"Don't make me do it. I swear to God. You'll regret it." But she did, she gently caressed his oily, shaggy hair, and started weeping like Mary when Jesus died. She then proceeded to ask him out.

"No I f*cking didn't you st*pid narrator. I wasn't weeping, you f*cking failed abortion, stop censoring my words. I'm actually a pretty sweet person." She's not, but I got paid to write that she said this in a very sweet and loving manner, close to a voice that makes any men fall in love with her instantly, like a succubus-

"WAKE UP, YOU SELFISH FUCK. I love you." She kissed his lips like Cinderella, wait, I think it's Snow White. I guess you could call this... Smoke Black. Please stop reading this novel, it's dangerous for your health.

Finally, Phil is woke.

"That's not my name, man." Phil said in his natural lazy, hippie-like voice, but...

"I don't care, Phil. There are more important things in this short-spanned life that I and you have than choosing a life-long permanent username. This game is just a waste of time and money, and you're AFK."

"It's you and I. Why are you wearing a Nazi uniform?"

"I always comes first before U, Phil. And I'm a detective inspector spy, also a good chef of caramelized onions, but most importantly from now on, you'll be my assistant, Lab Member 004." (Please don't sue this novel for copyright issues from famous Japanese cartoons... a-anime, my apologies.)

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HOUSE?" Shouted Phil in shock of what he just saw.

"Oh, I was trying to figure out how to save you, so I broke the fourth wall. Don't worry it was broken anyway in the first place. You also have no roof, the all-seeing author's perving us right now." The young lady whispered in his ears seductively, and no I'm not, I'm just here to tell the story of two idiots.

"There are a lot to do in this world, Phil. We need to keep moving on, forget the past. It's unfortunate you didn't die, but now you can enjoy the sweet taste of death with this soft pill."

"The sweet taste of... death?" Phil spoke hazily, his eyes starting to close.

"Yes. It's to show my love for you. We'll be together for a long while... in this story created in God's will- oh, you're asleep again. You know, you actually look adorable sometimes, especially when you're not being annoying. We still have a lot to do, a lot to do... a lot... but I guess... I'll sleep too."

Now the story ends here. Go to sleep as well.

//

But you'll regret not reading more. The story will clickbait you until you don't know what you're doing with your life anymore. Find out about the Fourth War, the Running Gagarins, Chernobyl, and more adventures to come, unless cancelled, like the other novels.

alt-J's Deadcrush will always be the outro music for this novel.