After the War

Chapter 2

It was 3 months after I got back from my unexpected trip that it first happened. I thought that I had seen someone following me. I mentioned it to my therapist, but she said that maybe I was just paranoid after my unexpected trip. I tried to convince my self that she was right, it took a while, but I started to calm down and eventually I got there. I managed to get back to normal. Well, as normal as I could. As normal as it could get for a magical war heroine living in the muggle world I guess.

I found a couple of squib therapists, but there was only one who actually followed along with what was happening in the war. And that was because she had family living in England. The downside was that as much as I tried to keep who I was a secret, she worked it out. I probably shouldn't have mentioned the fact that I was best friends with the boy who lived, huh? I didn't want to go, if I'm being honest. But not long after I moved to Australia, I started to have panic attacks when the kettle screeched to tell me that it was done. I would find myself hiding under the kitchen table. I know, good hiding place. I started to realise that maybe I wasn't coping as well as I thought, that maybe I did need some help.

It was the day of one of my appointments that it happened again. I thought that it had stopped. It had been a couple of months since I had seen anyone. Or thought I had seen anyone. I was walking down the street, on the way to her office when I saw them again. I saw the reflection in a window. I stopped and turned around to see someone with familiar red hair walking across the road. No. It couldn't be. Could it? I turned back and started walking again, I was only 3 buildings away. I just kept telling myself that I would make it. I could make it over and over again until I got there.

I walked in and sat down straight away, trying to calm my heart rate. Trying to process what I had seen. "Sarah, are you okay?" I looked up to see the receptionist looking at me. I took a deep breath before replying, "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks. I'm here for my appointment." She smiled at me and called Mia to let her know. I sat thinking about what had happened outside, about what I had seen. Hoping that it was just my imagination. Not even 5 minutes later Mia opened her door and held out a cup of coffee. I loved this woman, I really did. I got up and took the coffee saying thanks as I walked in.

I sat down and sipped at my coffee, going over the pleasantries with Mia before starting what I really came here for.

"I saw him again. At least I think I did. It was only 3 doors down. I didn't really see his face. Not full on anyway. And it could have just been some other guy with red hair. But I could have sworn that it was him. Ron. I really wish that I was imagining it, but I don't think I am. I think that they have tracked me down." I sat staring at my coffee, waiting for her to say something.

"How do you know if its really him? As you said, it could have been some random guy with red hair. And as you keep saying, apparently there is no way they could know its you. So why would they be here? And how would they be following you?" Mia asked. I hated it when she remembered shit I say so easy.

"I know. I know that logically they shouldn't be able to find me. But why am I seeing them everywhere? They must have some knowledge that its me or that I'm in the area. Otherwise, why would they be here? I want to know how they knew to look for me, especially here. I miss them, so much. There are times when I think of going back to being able to see them again. But I just... I'm scared. I'm scared that they are going to be angry at me and hate me for leaving."

"Why would they be angry? How do you know that they would be angry? And even if they were, you have been friends for so long, don't you think they would get over it? Wouldn't they be happier about the fact that you are happy and safe? That you are recovering and getting over that everything that happened to you?" Mia asked.

"I'm scared about the fact that if they find me, they are going to want me to go back. And I'm just not ready. I'm not ready to go back there and face it. I'm not ready to talk to them about it all yet. I'm not ready for the consequences of leaving. I'm not ready to deal with the press that will be hounding at my door. I know I'll be able to handle it all at some point, but just not yet. Mia, I'm still struggling to hold my wand without having constant flash backs. I'm trying so hard to get to the point that I can't even look at it without freaking out. I'm trying so hard to see the good its done, but all I see is all the bad it has done." I start to get lost in the memories. Remembering the final battle and all that came along with it.

"And when do you think that you will be ready too? 6 months? A year? When? You keep using your wand to take away a part of yourself. Taking away your looks, hiding who you really are. Try using your wand for other things. Things that don't take away part of who you are. Even just sit and look at it, hold it. Feel the power and the strength that comes from it. Remember all the good you did. How you healed people and made them feel better. How you saved people's lives. Think of all the good it will do, instead of the bad. Of the happiness it can bring. To you and too others." Mia smiled at me. We sat there for a while, I was trying to think everything through. Trying to process everything.

"Mia, I... I think I need to go. I'll try what your suggesting. I will, I'll give it a go, I promise. I just need some air." I stood up and put my mug down on the table.

"Its fine, you know where I am if you need me. I'll talk to you later. Good luck with everything, hopefully the next time I see you, you will have made some progress." Mia smiled at me and gave me a hug, waving me out of the office.

I'll see her again, same place, same time, in 3 weeks. Easy.