Life Is (Mostly) Beautiful

8. Ugly Cry Face

"Shanti, I need to talk to you," I said, pulling her to the side at work a few days later. This whole thing with Kente was messing with my head, and tearing me apart from the inside out. Was what he did rape? Should I tell someone? Would they even belive me?

"What Alena?" she asked boredly.

"It's about Kente," I said pulling my thumbs. "I-I think he..."

"Just say it Alena, I don't got all day," she said with attitude. I don't know what I'd done to her to make her so upset with me, but I had to tell someone.

"I think he raped me," I whispered.

"What?!"

"A-after the party on Sunday we went back to my place to-to smoke pot," I rushed out, shame taking over my features. "But I was out of it and woke up to him...with his finger...like inside me."

"So he just fingered you?" she asked curiously. "Y'all ain't never fucked?"

"Does it make a difference? Shanti, he-," I ran my hand through my hair anxiously. "What do I do? Should I call the police?"

"Girl, he ain't do nothin but stick is finger in you, calm down. You sure you ain't ask him to? You two been looking hella cozy for a while."

"Yes, I'm sure. I told him to stop," I said my voice crackig at the memory. "I just feel so violated."

"Girl it ain't nothing but a finger, you alright. Ain't nothing to ruin a man's life over so let it go," she shrugged.

"I guess..." I said, more to placate myself. So then why was I having terror flashes at night. I couldn't even stand to walk past the living room without shuddering.

"Look girl, just don't tell anybody. All they'll do is call you a ho anyway, trust me," she said gently. "Just live your life and forget about it."

"That's the thing Shanti, I can't forget about it and fucking with me incessantly!"

"Ok, ok, calm down with those big ass words," Shanti said rubbing my arms. "Calm down girl. Look when we get off work, we'll go to a club and we'll have some fun to take your mind off it, ok?"

I nodded numbly, and let her lead me out of the back office. As I opened the door, we met a wide-eyed Trina who looked like she been caught.

"Little girl, how long you been standing there!" Shanti demanded.

"I-I just got here. I came to give you my timecard," she stammered, before scampering away.

Shanti turned to me and piched the bridge of her nose. "Shit."

***

The next day Kente didn't come into work, but it was almost as bad is if he were. The staff kept pointing and whispering, but would shut up when I looked their way. The strange thing though, was that some of the high school girls were acting a little nicer to me, if not sympathetic. I had almost been ready to let go of what happened like Shanti had said, but the atmosphere at work was so unnerving I would duck into the back room every 20 minutes to dry heave into a paper bag.

The impact this had on my work was worse. When I was entering payroll I accidently paid an employee $1200 instead of $120. Fortunately, I stopped it before it went through, but I could've easily cost the company a lot of money. I knew I needed to focus and pull it together, but it was hard when everybody seemed to be talking about me behind my back.

Case in point, I was taking a bathroom break, when a couple high-pitched voices entered the bathroom. 

"So what actually happened? There are so many stories going around," a voice I recognized belonging to a girl named Kari, asked.