Secrets ✔

25•Goodbyes

•thank you so much guys for continuing to read, vote, and comment on Secrets. I honestly cannot put into words how happy it makes me•

This chapter is dedicated to katiethetortoise. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story. It's people like you that keep me motivated to strive to be better writer. Thank you for your lovely comments! :)

•Mature Rating•
•Trigger Warning ⚠️ •

*Alices POV*

I ended up at Denny's, the only Pizzeria in town.

Jay had seen me walking along a road while he was driving. He asked if I needed help. I don't remember what I said.

I terrified him, that's for sure. I mean anyone would be. He picked up a girl drenched from rain and blood, at one in the morning. He didn't ask questions though. That's what I loved about Jay. I needed the tranquility and quiet that he gave me. I mean I had fucking killed a person. I. Needed. Time. To. Think.

Jay gave me a jacket to wear, and I wrapped it around me tightly, desperate to tame painful shivers that ran through my body. But they weren't from the cold.

I had never felt that way before. The way I felt than. I was so aware of every little thing around me, yet I felt like an outsider. As if I was viewing the world around me through a screen. It was like I was already dead.

My brain was so numb, yet in so much pain. Like my body was fighting a battle. I couldn't breathe, but than there was too much air, and I was stuck in this frozen state that incapacitated all my limbs. My tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth. I couldn't speak. 

I had decided already I would die. It would be fair. Almost like eye for an eye, except with lives.

I couldn't live like this forever. With guilt that gripped to every thought in my head. With a heavy heart, that. Hurt.  So. Much. With this battle in my head telling me I was wrong, I was right, I was a murder. I couldn't live with the fact that I killed a person. A living, breathing person, who had a future, who had plans for his life, who had people who loved him and would miss him. Even if he was an asshole in every way a person can be. I had ended his life. In the end of the day. I killed Mason Dale.

Fuck

I don't remember what happened after. I found myself locked in a bathroom stall, with a laptop Jay had lent me. Oh Jay, I already knew his life would never be the same. But I could trust him to do what was right. When the time was right he would pass on the flash drive he would.

I pressed play, and watched my tear caked face, mascara staining my cheeks, and my hair all knotted and crumpled, on the laptop screen. And I heard myself say,

"Hey. It's Alice. Alice O'Conner. Once known as the golden girl of Allen wood. But hey- some things are never meant to last very long. By the time you're hearing this I'm already dead. By the time you see this you'll know why. "

"I killed Mason Dale. That video should be proof enough. I told Jay to destroy this knowing he wouldn't. And if I had to make a guess. It's you Lizzie, watching this video. Your officially the second person to see this. Hopefully your life won't end up as screwed up as mine. Or Jays for a matter of fact. I didn't mean to ruin so many people's lives. But that's what I do. I cause destruction every where my life takes me."

"My life is over. Even if I hadn't killed myself. Lizzie you know why. I can't just live knowing I killed a person. I just can't. "

"I hope you do what you think is the right regarding this flash drive. Just remember how many lives it can screw up and how many it can heal. This flash drive contains more than just my story. It contains the story of every other girl behind me, and hopefully the girls that will never have to feel the way the others did. The way I did. It feels good to know at least I ended my life with purpose. For good. "

"I love you Lizzie so very much. And I will never stop as long as you live. And I love my life too. The good parts at least."

"It takes the sadness of life, to truly understand how beautiful death is Lizzie. My death will be just as happy as any other day."

"I'm not sad that this is how my story will end.  Because all stories must end somehow. It's inevitable."

And as I carefully climbed over the railing and watched the glistening rocks, and beautiful river right under my feet.  I braced myself for the inevitable. And with one breath.

I fell.

•this beautiful cover was created by peachspit Thank you so much! It's beautiful!