You were competitive. You aimed for perfection. You aimed to be number one. You aimed to be the best.
And you always achieved that.
It didn't matter who you were up against, you faced anything like it was a challenge. You just had to beat them.
You were raised like that.
It started when you were in first grade.
It didn't matter to you whether you were in first or second, as long as you had good marks.
Your father didn't seem happy about it. You? In second place? It wasn't good enough.
You were only six and the pressure on you was intense.
This other kid in your class would always get a point higher than you. You didn't care, but your dad did.
You ranked two in first grade.
Your mom was proud. Your older brother was proud. Your grandfather was proud.
Your dad? He wasn't even close to being satisfied.
He'd tell you every day and every night that you could do better than the boy who ranked one.
As a kid, it made you really sad.
This went on until fourth grade. You tried your best all the time. All the other kids were playing in the park.
And you? You were at home.
You were at home surrounded with books that were advanced. And even then, you still couldn't beat the other kid.
Until he transferred.
Oh the joy.
Finally your dad stopped nagging you. He stopped pushing you. He kept his mouth shut.
He didn't praise you, but he was quiet.
And that was so much better than him telling you number two wasn't good enough.
There was only one thing that bothered you.
"I'm transferring to another school. You'll finally be number one."
Guess who said that? The kid who was always number one.
That was how he bid you farewell on the last day of fourth grade.
And you knew he was right.
You've been number one since then.
Only because the better kid was gone.
It bothered you a lot.
As time passed, it wasn't as bothersome anymore.
New kids would come to your grade and you'd fear that they were better than you. When they weren't, you could breathe easily. You felt safe.
If only you knew.
It got worse. It wasn't just in academics anymore. Sports, arts, school activities and community involvement. You joined.
You couldn't bare the thought of not being the best at anything.
This went on until eleventh grade. You've made more enemies than friends.
Everyone around you was competition. It left you alone most of the time. You did have friends, but not close ones.
You were friends with people from different clubs you joined. You'd only see them on those times too. Outside the clubs, you were strangers.
After eleventh grade, you told yourself to stop being competitive.
