One Day, Maybe. #NewAdult

Ch.29: Stand Still

          I wasn't per se panicking. No I wasn't, though you could say I had frozen in place, watching as James, who was now on top of Chris on the floor kept punching him, again and again and again, landing blows while Chris did his best to protect his face by blocking some of the hits and trying to hit back, to push James off of him. But he was no match for James' fury. A fury that burned so bright.

         I had to say something, I had to intervene, but something in me, maybe that same voice from earlier that was warning me of the danger I had set foot in, that same voice was telling me to let it happen, to let James do his worse because Chris deserved it, it was all his fault. He had started it by showing up here to our home uninvited when I was vulnerable, He had kissed me first. He he had started it.

       But I knew better, I knew better than to blame Chris for my mistakes. He might have started it by showing up and kissing me, but I didn't have to engage him, I did not have to kiss him back, that was all on me. And to put all the blame on him alone would be another selfish thing I would have done.

        "James, get off of him right now." I yelled out in hope that my words still mattered. And when that did nothing and they were still on the floor, still trying to inflict pain on each other, I yelled again, from my place a few feet from them because I didn't dare get in between them. "James, I swear to God I will never forgive you if you do not get off him." That got a reaction from him and he looked up at me, his breathing harsh, his face a little flushed as Chris pushed James off him who landed on his butt, still looking at me. I took that time to approach him, he got up.

          "James, baby." I whispered sympathetically, looking up at him, meeting his deadly eyes that burned something deep in me. My heart sinked. I felt ashamed of myself. "I'm so sorry." I lifted my arm to his cheek. His eyes hardened.

       "Do not fucking touch me or I swear, Charlotte. I swear I will not be responsible for what happens next." He warned and I could hear the threat in those words. A threat so very present that sent me back reeling, the past flashing in front of my eyes then. His voice low and deadly. The warning more than enough to know not to push. I knew what could happen when he was in that state and I did not want to tempt faith. I put my hand down and stepped back. Could James really hurt me, again, after swearing that he would never lift a finger at me?

     "Then you should leave." Because if couldn't he control himself not to physically hurt me, then he shouldn't be anywhere near me. I did not want him to do something that I will never forgive him for. I would never forgive him if he hurt my baby by hurting me.

     He frowned, standing his ground. "And leave you here with him? Not a fucking chance. "

          My face hardened.

        "I will call the cops on you, do not try me." I wished I could take the words back as I was saying them. But somehow, I couldn't stop myself from letting them out. The voice, that maddening voice in the back of my mind whispered frantically that I was digging a deeper grave for myself than I was already in. But I wouldn't listen. I shoved the voice deep inside me, muting it with a resolve. His face fell as if I had smacked him.

         "James," I said, taking a step towards him, absolutely feeling the shittiest I had ever felt and wishing I could take it all back.

        He stepped back, shaking his head. "No, Charlotte, I'm done. I'm done begging, I'm done fighting, I'm done trying to fix this.  You want to break up, throw away something we worked so hard to build? Have our child be born in a broken home? Then fine. Be my guess cause I'm done. We are done." He spat back at me, his voice sending me back to so many years ago, a time that I had tried to forget. To erase from my memory. He turned, his back at me as he started toward the elevator.

      "You fucking bastard. " I ran after him and before he could push the elevator button, I pulled him roughly by his shirt, which made him turned to look at me. I pointed a finger at him. "Don't fucking dare blaming this on me. Don't you fucking dare, you lying piece of shit. You did this." I pushed him, my finger hard against him. He barely moved. I didn't care, I was enraged, seeing red. How dare he blame me when he was the reason we were in this fucked up mess? He was the one who lied, again and again. He was the one who did this. So fuck him for trying to blame me.

      "Tell me, where is your daughter?" I asked, the venom clear in my words. He dared not say a word. I scoffed, sneering at him with disdain clearly in my voice. "Yeah, that's what I thought. " I said as the elevator opened. He turned and without a word, stepped inside.

         We stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, but couldn't have been longer than  a couple of seconds. But before the doors closed, he said simply; "I'll send for my stuff." And then he was gone.
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