Find Myself [ziall]

C H A P T E R 1

         

reposting this ziall fic i wrote years ago aka when i was like... 14. god guys its so cringey but here it is!!

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It's that noise. Fuck, it's that noise Niall dreads so fucking much, that noise that scares him in ways he wouldn't be able to describe if he tried. His alarm clock beeping, indicating it was time to go to school. Now don't get it twisted, Niall isn't afraid of alarm clocks at all, but he is afraid of school. Why? Well, there's tons of reasons why, but he'll just take you through the main ones. For some strange reason, he seems to be the target of everyone. Everyone loves bullying him and Niall doesn't really understand why. Is it his accent? How short he is? The fact that he's a complete nerd? Sure, some people can be mean, but there's a group in particular he's completely terrified of. That is Zayn Malik's group.

Zayn Malik. The one everyone wants to know or be seen with. The most popular guy in school with the reputation of being a badass. Along with his whole crew which consists of three boys and two girls. Zayn being the captain. Then there's his best friends, Liam Payne and Harry Styles. Then there's the two girls. The beautiful Cher Lloyd and Perrie Edwards. Zayn is the worse one out of all of them, bullying Niall until all he wants to do is get a gun and shoot himself. Harry isn't as bad as Zayn, but he's a very close second. Cher is a bitch and Perrie is her little follower and together, they're the absolute worst. Liam is the one Niall likes the most because he never does anything. Sometimes when Zayn's crew is bullying him, he walks away or tells them to stop, he never really does much. But still, Niall hates all of them, even Liam. Because he's a witness of it all and he never does shit about it. They make his life a living hell all because he's fucking gay.

Yes, Niall is gay. He's known since he was thirteen and later came out when he was fifteen. His mum was understanding about it, but his dad definitely wasn't. Niall's mother and father divorced when he was like two, so he's never really see his dad much, but when Niall told him, he moved to Spain with his girlfriend and the blonde hasn't heard about him ever since, he hates Niall, he's sure of that. Niall is sixteen now, so it's been a year since his coming out. He's Irish, but moved to the England exactly a year ago, so basically when he came out. Niall felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders, and he thought people would be understanding about it, but no one really was. When he came to school here and everyone found out, he had no friends. Then, this spunky and energetic boy named Louis Tomlinson came from Doncaster and Niall felt saved. He's his only real friend and he accepts him for who he is, so Niall's really thankful for that.

Niall groaned as he got up from bed. A Monday. How beautiful. His bones and muscles finally stopped aching from Friday when Zayn and his crew beat the shit out of him, but he knew that today the pain would continue. He manages to hide everything from his mum and she doesn't know anything about the bullying or beatings. It's not like he wants her to, the last thing Niall wants is to worry her. He puts on some black skinnies and a long sleeved tight purple shirt. He then walks to the bathroom to brush his teeth and face. His teeth. Niall hates his teeth. If he had to choose something he hates about himself the most, and there's a lot, it would have to be his teeth. They're all crooked and disgusting. He shakes the thoughts out of his head and looks at himself in the mirror.

He attempted a smile but then saw his teeth and automatically shut his mouth. Stop trying Niall. He walked back to his room and got his backpack, swinging it over his shoulder. Then, he walked downstairs to find his mum trying to cook again, the telly turned on in the living room so she had a clear view of it in the kitchen. The lady in the telly was preparing a nice breakfast meal that was enough to have NIall's stomach churn just by looking at it. He looked back at his mum's version of what she was making and tried hard not to laugh, she rolled her eyes.