10 Reasons Why I Hate Santana Lopez

Reason 7

I don't think she wears underwear. Well, she probably wears a bra because there is no way that her boobs can be that perfectly round without the support, but I don't think she wears panties.

This thought came to me during our freshman year and I've taken note of it since. Firstly, I could never see a panty line through that ridiculously tight cheerleading skirt of hers, or any other piece of shorts, pants, and skirts she wore besides that. Secondly, her legs seemed to go on for miles whenever she wore that very same outrageous mini skirt. Any sane girl would wear underwear under a skirt that short, but logic and sanity didn't apply to Santana. Also, compared to the skirts of the other cheerleaders, hers looked considerably shorter, like she hiked it up to purposefully hint that she wasn't wearing anything underneath of it. She was a damn tease, as reiterated by the smirk that graced her face whenever she caught me staring at her legs for too long.

Despite the evidence, I had never been able to get a clear look up her skirt, which was also disappointingly true for the other guys in our class. Santana Lopez, in contradiction to the viper that she was, remained a perfect lady when it came to formal manners. She always sat with her legs crossed, she walked tall with one step slightly crossing the other to add a subtle feminine sway to her hips without disturbing the placement of her skirt, and the upper hem of her legwear never passed below her hips so that even the faintest band of panty lining could peek out. And I very well couldn't ask other girls if they noticed whether or not she wore underwear when she changed in the locker room. I couldn't seem like a pervert although I was feeling like it with all of the investigative work I was doing for her panties.

But in the end, perversion is what angered me the most. I was constantly guarding her back, warding off boys that thought they could somehow burn a hole through her clothes if they stared long enough. I knocked out guys who thought they could find a way to flip up her skirt and I sneered at any boy who came too close to her with that creeper glint in their eyes. In no time I had become known as her guard dog which I didn't appreciate either. Guard dogs report to a master and there was no way in hell that Santana Lopez was my master. However, that didn't stop others from thinking that way. Her two groupie friends, Quinn and Brittany, seemed to think I would answer to their beck and call, which I didn't even do for Santana.

"Smythe, we need smoothies since the cafeteria doesn't serve anything but carbs and gravy. Be a doll and go get a few for us," Quinn said as she patted my head.

"Oh, oh, I want a strawberry banana smoothie with a boost of dirt in it!" Dear Brittany, bless her heart.

Quinn looked at her, "No, honey, only Coach puts dirt in our smoothies. We can't order that at Jamba Juice."

I pushed past them with a scowl. "You two have legs, get them yourselves. Or you can just settle with the food served here. I think you might be just one calorie short of anorexia, so you should consider it."

Santana stepped out in front of me, hand pressed softly to my chest. "Not so fast Se-ba-stian. What if I offered you something in return for your services" she drawled, lazily gazing at me through her eyelashes.

"Sorry, but I'd rather not my soul to the devil" I smirked, pushing her hand off my chest but she refused to let go of the contact. Her hand slid down and grabbing my belt, tugging lightly.

"That's too bad. I'll keep that in mind. But I know you've been wondering about what goes on beneath my skirt." She drawled as she traced the buckle.

Playing her game, I stepped into her, dropping my voice so that only she could hear. "Oh, I know what's down there and I can assure you, I'm better off with you keeping that monster hidden. I don't need the trauma."

She glared but I could only chuckle at it, unbuckling my belt and draping it over her shoulders before leaving. I swear, she looks only a little sexy when she knows she's been beaten.

I never did find out about her underwear though...