nicotine // phan

abused

tw: (physical and mental) bullying, homophobic slurs

my shoes touched the tips of the shiny green blades of grass covering the ground as i walked through the forest. 

every morning on my way to school, i took a walk through the forest near my house. it wasn't really a shortcut, it took longer actually, but it was relaxing to be alone with only the sounds of birds chirping and squirrels running through the bushes.

eventually i reached the stream. in the middle of the forest was a clearing with a small river running through it. i smiled, and removed my shoes. i sat down on the edge of the water and let my feet dangle in the water. i pulled out my coloured pencils and started drawing what was on my mind.

blue. i took out my dark blue pencils and starting shading the corner of the page. i closed my eyes and took a moment to take in my surroundings. i could feel the sunlight streaming down on me as i sat with the stream running rapidly over my pale feet, i could hear the birds tweeting from the trees around me, and then i was peaceful. i took out a peach and started on a different corner. then i heard voices.

i quickly put my shoes on and stepped away from the stream, making small circles in the middle of the page with a lilac pencil. fear. i looked around but there were still no faces to match the voices. i stopped for a moment and realised they were just in my head.

i sighed, put my book and pencils in my bag, and walked out of the woods and to the school just minutes before the first bell rang.

i had successfully avoided them all day, but there was no escaping them once i entered my first period class.

i walked in with my head down, quickly to the back, hoping they wouldn't notice me. i gulped when i noticed the teacher wasn't in the room.

then they started talking.

"hey homo, how's it going?" 1.

"i didn't think he'd actually show up today, especially after yesterday." 2.

"you're right, i definitely thought he would have killed himself by now." 3.

and then the first punch. quicker than usual. i usually got to at least 6 comments before the physical attack but this time they didn't want to talk, they just wanted to see blood.

then there were 2 punches. 3, 4, i lost count. kicks, taunting, punching, strangling, laughing. they wouldn't let me be. i don't understand what i did to make them hate me so much. i've never done anything to make any of them hate me, but for some reason i wasn't safe anywhere.

and then the scariest one entered the room. the other 2 took a step back and greeted him. "hey, phil."

phil nodded. "ian, anthony."

i saw the corners of his lips turn up slightly upon noticing my beaten and bruised body. he wanted me to break completely.

but i couldn't be in the same room as him. he started walking towards me and i braced for the punch.

their lookout, a girl named cat, yelled from the door, "hey, mr. roberts is coming!"

they rushed to their seats as mr. roberts entered the room and started the lesson

a/n: ahh yay that was the first chapter of nicotine. i'm doing daily updates (for real this time i have everything planned and i'm writing these in advance so all i have to do is publish one a day woop) i hope you enjoyed i'll see ya tomorrow with an update ayy

idk how to do author's notes sorry there's my mess of a part