Negan's Daughter

Chapter 58

The ceiling wasn't the most interesting thing to stare at but it kept me from thinking. I just had to keep staring, breathing. The sunlight had invaded the room hours ago. After four hours of sleep I had woken up and after six attempts of trying to go back asleep I decided to lay in the bed staring at the ceiling. I heard Carl's soft snore and smiled to myself. I quietly shifted to my side and noticed Judith was waking up. She let out a soft giggle then a cry. Immediately I softly pulled her into my arms and got out of bed. I brought her to her room and stood not knowing what to do. She stunk. I exhaled before starting to change her diaper. Once I finished I headed down to the kitchen and placed her in her high chair. She giggled as I washed my hands.

"You think my pain is hilarious don't you?" I joked. She continued giggling. I sighed with a smile on my face before making her a bottle. I handed it to her and she took it from there. I grabbed an apple and sat down in front of Judith to eat it. Footsteps came down the stairs and I glanced up to see Rick. I gazed back down at Judith.

"Good morning." Rick greeted.

"Morning." I chirped. Rick paused for a second not recognizing my enthusiasm. I smiled to myself and took another bite of my apple. "Any plans for today?" I asked.

"Yeah, we're gonna attack the saviors today. Can I trust you to make sure Carl and Judith stay here, and are safe." Rick asked. I nodded.

"Of course." I answered honestly. I stared back at Judith. "If anything happens Rick, you know I'll keep them safe." Rick nodded.

"I know." I smiled before he started making coffee. I stood and picked up Judith.

"I have to go meet Denise so I'm gonna go pass on Judith to Carl." I stated before heading upstairs and into Carl's room. Carl was sitting up. I smiled and walked over. "I have to go talk to Denise and your dad and Michonne are leaving to see this hilltop place so Judith is all yours." I stated and laid Judith next to him. He smiled sleepily and rubbed his eyes. I laughed slightly then leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. I spun around and headed for the bathroom.

After getting ready I headed over to Denise's house. I knocked on the door and she opened it. She smiled at me surprised.
"Hey, I thought you might not come." Denise commented while stepping inside. I entered the house.

"Well counseling would be a step up to stability." I joked. Denise shut the door as I sat on her couch. She crossed over and sat in front of me. She paused.

"So anything weighing heavy on your mind today? Talking about things can help make them less heavy." Denise commented. I pursed my lips.

"Okayyy." I paused. Listen to her. Maybe it can help you. "Well ever since my brother died I ugh. I don't feel things the same as I used to. I feel-." I stopped myself as the words played through my head. My stomach tightened. I couldn't be feeling this.

"Say it. Whatever you feel is okay." Denise reasoned. My eyes felt heavy. I stared at the ground and crossed my arm. I squeezed tight on the side of my arms.

"I feel like I'm not responsible anymore." I whispered. "I feel like I don't have to think about how every decision I make can get my family killed." I choked on a lump in my throat as water dripped from my eyes. I shook my head refusing to cry. "Because my family is already dead." I finished.

"It's relief you're feeling Breanna." Denise responded. I laughed.

"I know and it's terrible. I feel relieved that my family is dead. There has to be something you can do to fix me-"

"There's nothing wrong with you Breanna. You've felt responsible for you're family for so long that it's natural to feel relieved. It doesn't mean you don't feel sad that they died, you do. You're allowed to feel more than one emotion Breanna." Denise paused as I took labored breaths. My breathing finally returned to it's normal state and I nodded. I smiled slightly and wiped away the tears on my face.

"You're right, I do feel a little better." I laughed. Denise smiled.

"Anything you else you want to talk about?" Denise asked. Yes. My father is alive, my father is Negan. The Negan we're going to kill. My best friend is still missing, probably dead. The only way to get her back possibly is to talk to Negan. Even if I talked to him I'm not sure if he'll kill me or not.

"No, not much." I lied. Denise squinted her eyes. She knew I was lying. "Not now, I need time to adjust it myself." I added. She nodded. 

"Okay, I'll be here." She finished. I smiled and stood. She walked me to the door and I stepped out.

"Thanks Denise." Denise nodded.

"No problem." She responded.

After my session with Denise I headed back to the Grimes house and met Carl in the living room watching Judith play with a plastic cup. I walked over and sat next to Carl. He smiled at me then furrowed his brow. "What?" I asked confused.

"You've been crying." He noticed. My eyebrows arched.

"Oh, yeah, Denise can really get to me sometimes." I laughed off. Carl nodded.

"Anything you want to tell me?" Carl teased. I smiled weakly.

"Yeah, there is." His eyes widened slightly surprised. I glanced at Judith then shifted. I rubbed my hands together as sweat started to form. I laughed at my nervousness. When the hell did I go back to being soft. I inhaled. "Carl." I stopped myself. Not here, somewhere special. I glanced back at Judith. I jumped up and picked her up. I walked over and grabbed her then picked her travel bag off of the shelf next to the door. "I'll be back and then I have something to show you." Carl sat on the couch bewildered.

"Okay, but where are you taking Judith?" Carl laughed.

"She's gonna go stay with aunt Denise." I rushed out before exiting the house with Judith.