T O X I C

9: Violet

I feel tempted to comfort him, but when he’s staring into my eyes with eyes so broken I can’t do it. I know that for him, I need to let him figure it out on his own. I put my hand on his knee and he puts his hand over mine. “Alright. I’m still here if you change your mind.” I remind him, just in case he’s forgotten that I’m still his friend. He smirks at me and slowly puts his other hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer and kissing my forehead. Butterflies explode in my stomach and I know he feels them too. I’m terrified, but Axios just pulls back and grins and me. A real grin, one that his eyes match.

He places his elbow on his knee, his chin in his hand and he just stares at me and we smile for a minute or two. Even though it’s really uncomfortable and awkward for me, I can’t help but smile back. I’ll let him stare for as long as he needs to, because I feel like I haven’t seem him genuinely smile in too long.

+ + + + +

Even though Axios is a sweetheart, West has my sense of humor. Bry and Axios made plans for all of us to go out at midnight and find an abandoned house on the other side of the walls of rubble cutting this town off from the rest of the world. Even though I should feel more safe on the inside, I feel at home on the outside. It’s more familiar, more raw, and less creepy. Everyone is waiting outside for me. When I step out of the house in the only outfit I haven’t worn yet, (black jeans and a frilly red shirt, my hair french-braided) West can’t help himself.

“Hot.” He grins.

“You know it.” I reply. Axios, though, doesn’t really get the joke.

West and Bry lead the way in silence and Axios and I trail a little bit behind. It doesn’t take very long for them to strike up a conversation, West hitting on her and Bry rolling her eyes. I start to question if West calling me hot is actually a joke, or if he’s just a player.

“He’s just a player.” Axios says to my left.

I smile. When we get to the wall of rubble, Bry makes her way up first. When I begin to make my way up, West is still gazing up at the top. “What’s wrong?” I ask him. Axios glares at me but I wave him off and tell him to climb up the wall.

West glances at me and then bows his head, kicking the gravel. “I’m terrified of heights.” He mumbles. I put my hand on his shoulder and he looks up at me.

“So am I.”

“Really?”

“Totally. This pile of trash?” I look up at the top and my stomach flips. “Terrifying. But you know what?” I look back at him and he stares at me, waiting for an answer. “I believe you can’t get rid of a fear. It fades away on it’s own.”

“I’ve had this fear for my whole life, I don’t think it will go away.” He says. I can hear the irritation in his voice.

“Well, have you challenged it?”

“Yeah, lot’s.”

“Have you conquered it?” He cocks his head like a dog who just heard a weird sound. I grin and start climbing.

“Woah, I thought you said you were terrified?” He calls out to me.

I twist around to look at him. I’m already pretty high up, so when I see him all the way down there I get dizzy for a second. I take a deep breath, shout, “I am!” and try to stop my hands from shaking manically.

“I can’t do it!” He calls.

“Well, I’m not coming back down!”

“Violet!” I just raise my eyebrows at him. Finally, he starts to climb. Slowly, might I add, but still - he climbs. Step by step he inches up, closing his eyes and missing his footing a lot. It takes him about five minutes just to get where I am. When he is next to me, he says, “I don’t know if you’re less hot for nearly abandoning me, or more hot because you totally just defied your phobia.”