The dead girl who knew to much.

~It gets worse~

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a nightmare, and you keep running and running but you're not going anywhere, then all of a sudden you wake up?
My life was a true nightmare, I didn't get the option to wake up.

Most days I didn't want the bell to ring for school to be out. I never wanted to go home, I would go anywhere in the world I mean anywhere, just not home.

"Mother, by the time you read this or even hear about it, it's most likely that the police have already found it and read it themselves. For so long you were never concerned about me it was always Yourself. Mother this parts for you. No, I can't say you're the reason why I'm dead but what I can tell you is you didn't make my life any easier in fact, you didn't help me at all."

Since I can remember from childhood my mother has always been absent in my life. No she wasn't missing, she wasn't dead, she was just always busy; either with my brothers, herself, her fuck buddies or work. She hated being home; she never wanted to come home, but none of us did.

(Back at school)

I sat in my last class watching the clock. I was always hoping and sometimes praying that it would never go to 3:05 PM. Today of all days it felt like time was going particularly slow. I was trying to think of it as a sign from God that he was stalling so that I wouldn't have to go home. But unfortunately time had to go on, 3:05 PM came around and the bell ring. This time unlike the rest instead of rushing out of the room I slowly gathered my things and sat patiently waiting till the classroom completely emptied. For a couple minutes I stayed after and just closed my eyes and tried to breath. Once the bell rang I instantly felt as though I couldn't breathe, I couldn't catch my breath.

I eventually came out of my anxiety/panic attack and left the room. Lucky for me Tori was standing outside waiting for me. Since she was planning on smoking some more I chose to drive. We loaded up in my little two door 1994 baby blue Toyota truck that used to be Eric's. The transmission was going out so it kicked and sputtered, it always sounded like it was dying. As we drove I remember ever song that played on the radio. One by one we belted the lyrics out as loud as we could as we rolled the windows down and cruised. As you were getting high as fuck I couldn't help but think of ways to stall going home "are you ok? Is it Robert again? What's happened this time? You need to tell someone." As you looked at me with faded eyes filled with sadness and fear I couldn't help but fake a smile and lie which I hated to do "no, I'm fine. Just the normal drinking and hitting, nothing I can't handle." The truth was it was getting worse. "I can't tell anyone and you know that! If I told, it would just make things worse and nobody would believe me." I held back every emotion possible " I know. I just wish I could do something! I wish I could help, but I know I can't." It was the same thing everyday and nobody could help or change the situation " it's fine. I'm fine. I'll be ok." This was a lie I had mastered since I was eight years old. As we finished talking I pulled up to your house. Every part of me wanted to lock the doors and tell you I was kidnapping you and I wouldn't let you leave me. I had to let you go. You finished the bowl you had packed and then got out and headed up to the door. With all of my friends when I dropped them off either day or night I always stuck around and made sure they got inside safe and I saw the door close behind them. It was safer. As I watched the door close I felt my heart drop to my stomach and I drove on.

Tori and I only lived about 15 minutes apart, so that day I took every way possible to avoid going home faster. I took every backroad and every road into construction to make sure that I could just stall a little longer. Today I felt like something was off, like things would be worse when I got home. As I pulled in the driveway I knew the gates of hell were about to open when I walked in. Today of all days his car was parked in the middle of the front yard with the driver door open and empty Jose Cuervo and Jack Daniels bottles overflowing the car on to the yard leading up to the front door. As I approached the front door I had noticed that inside the house it was completely silent. A little bit of fear struck in me as my heart sank further into my stomach, but there was also a sigh of relief hiding way down inside of myself that maybe he wasn't alive, that maybe this time the alcohol had consumed him like I had always wished it had. As I opened the door I didn't hear or see anything more. I walked in a little farther feeling a little better about the situation. No sooner that I dropped my backpack I felt a cold calloused hand against my throat squeezing as tight as it possibly could. I was forced up against the door and held up with my feet almost completely free of touching the floor. As I slowly started to fade out of consciousness I fell to the floor out of his release. As I grabbed my throat coughing and trying to catch my breath I looked up to see Sam yelling and punch him " you filthy drunk bastard! If you ever lay another hand on her I'll kill you myself asshole! You have my god damn word!" I remembered crying but yet I didn't feel any emotion.