Against Her Will

Chapter Forty-Four

"I thought it was a gunshot," Tanner quickly interrupted. "I didn't hear him enter and I only heard that bang behind me. Anyone would have reacted the same..."

Temperance shook her head. "No, they wouldn't have. Your finger was on that trigger and that gun was against the man's head in less than a second. Not everyone would have done that."

Temperance searched Tanner's eyes for a sign as to what he was thinking. He had helped her so immensely in the short time he had been home and she wanted to help him. The man had made her realize that she did have a strength inside of her and he had inspired her to use that strength and begin to overcome her past. She wanted to help him overcome his as well.

Tanner acted so tough and sure of himself but Temperance remembered that look that had been in his eyes when they had first met. That blank stare--the deadness--it had been a familiar sight and had formed an instant kinship between their souls. Temperance knew that deep down he had wounds festering and rotting and she wanted to help him heal those before they ate away at him and took away the happiness she now could see looking back at her most of the time when their eyes met.

"Temperance, I'm okay, I swear it...."

"Then walk up the front steps and come inside with me," Temperance challenged.

Tanner opened his mouth, clamped it close and then opened it again, "I can't."

"Why? Tell me how you feel, Tanner."

"Temperance...."

"I promise I can handle it, Tanner," Temperance assured him as she rested her hand upon his cheek. "I'm not as weak as I once thought I was. Please, open up to me just the same as I have you. Trust me as much as I've trusted you."

Tanner stared down at her for several moments and then turned away. He strode to open barn door and then kicked it hard. "I can't cross that porch because all I see when I get near it is my brother! I hear him laughing as he walked away from me and I feel that cold-hearted desperation take over me as I pull that trigger and shoot him in the back."

Temperance winced as memories of that night flooded back to her. Memories of watching that knife blade slice across Mary's throat. Memories of those three men tying her down and shoving themselves inside of her. Memories of Trevor and his whip....

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Tanner whispered, his voice tight.

Temperance shook her head. She reached out and took his hand in hers. "No, I'm only going to listen."

Temperance watched with surprise as everything about Tanner seemed to crumble in that moment. He sat down hard on a stack of hay bales and buried his head in his hands as his shoulders sagged.

Temperance went to him and sat down beside him. She laid her head on his shoulder and he surprised her when he grabbed her up, pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her neck. Temperance would have been terrified by this contact not long ago but now she was touched by it. She felt hot tears against her skin but said nothing as Tanner's shoulders heaved.

Temperance was happy to be the 'strong' one just now. "Let it out, Tanner. Talk to me," she whispered.

"Temperance, I've seen things and done things that I can't tell you about... I don't want you having those images in your head. That prison camp was hell--pure hell. Men dying all around me and left to rot in the same tiny dirt floored cell I was in. We had meals every few days and it was always moldy bread and rancid meat... sometimes we'd get lucky and catch a rat but we didn't have any way of cooking it so you had to eat it as it was..."